Karen,

I feel my mom's pain everyday and there is still not 1 hour in the day that I do not think about this horrible disease. Maybe for me it is because everything is still so new. My life has been out of sorts for a whole year now. I have not felt like I can take a real breath and relax since last April 03. I went through a child being born and now she will be 8 months old next week and I have not been able to enjoy her like I should because I cannot get this dreaded disease out of my head. I want Keeley to grow up to know what and incredible person her gramma is!
I keep thinking maybe its because I get on this website and when I am on here I am constantly reminded that this disease does take lives young ones, old ones, many incredible people who do not desearve to die in this horrible suffering manner.
I guess what I am trying to say is that people handle things differently some think that maybe if we don't talk about it that it does not exist. My husband's standard answer when I say that I am worried about my mom is that she's gonna be fine wife!

Ed, You are an such a great person. My heart too is heavy today. Lots of disturbing news on the site lately.

Love and hugs to you all,
Dani

It is interesting how each person deals with this dreaded disease. My hubby who is the patient is very positive and doesn't like to talk much about it. I, the caregiver, thinks every pain he has is more cancer (as it could be). I feel like I haven't taken a full breath of relief either since first diagnosis back in July. Interestingly enough, when I felt like I was going crazy with worry after his surgery and nodes were negative and he was moving on, I was wondering why I couldn't get over it better, only to find that he had an aggressive, very quick recurrance (or something they missed initially). Anyway, I think personality becomes the driving force in how we react as the patient or the caregiver and I just rely on God to give me strength, courage and peace especially on those really "down" and scary days. This board, albeit sad at times, helps so much along with a loving support group from church.
Take care,
Deb

I hope my message didn't create any offence to caregivers. I just want to share with you how my husband reacts to my illness now when I am in remission.When I was still fighting the battle desperately, my husband was much worried about me and when I was in severe depression, he shed tears many times. When my depression is over and the cancer under control, he feels more relaxed and always looks at things from a more optimistic angle, which seems to create a balance with my more pessimistic perspective. I agree with Deb that personality dominates our reaction as the patient or the caretaker. I would also add that difference in sex may lead to difference too. Like Ed's sons, my two sons also think that their mother has already passed all hurdles and cancer is no big deal. If they were daughters, I am sure their reaction might have been very different.Everyone and every family is different, for sure. But there may be some similar characteristics that we can discover and that is why we are here to share and listen.

Karen

Hi Karen
Me I'm a caregiver and a sufferer.. sometimes think it would be easier if I had spouted two head.. NO your post gave no offence.. here on this forum the only truth is the real truth.. there is no hiding place on here.. good.. helps us all unload the heavy stuff..
love and hugs
Helen

Hi Karen

Nicole and I were just talking yesterday about how Eddie seems like an upbeat kind of person. From what you're saying it would seem natural for him to think the way he does based on our meeting.

Nicole on the other hand is much more pessimistic than I am, she always worries about every little ache and pain I have, asks me a lot if I'm ok. Basically like the mother hen. I figure all I can do is keep myself healthy othewise, keep vigilant, and provide for her security if something does happen.

Bob

Karen,

Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I don't believe your post gave offense. At least not to me. Although I am only the patient.

Sometimes we live lives with our caregivers in the "glass is half full - glass is half empty" mode. These two roles tend to reverse sometimes in my household. The best thing I ever heard about the glass being full or empty was " depends on if you are pouring or drinking" Had to share that.

From as long as I have seen your posts I think you'd have to go a long way to offend!!!

Dinah

My heart is heavy also with all the news on the site. Having had it relatively easy, I dread every check up even though my doctor assures me all is going well.

It is amazing to me how I feel so strongly for everyone here, and of course, my family just doesn't get it. I think I fear their reactions most of all if there should be a recurrence.

I still feel the need to post my positive results to balance the board, but pray daily that they remain that way.

Sincerely,
Lisa
One year survivor!