It started in August when I noticed swelling on the right side of my neck. My PCP told me it wasn’t cancer and gave me antibiotics mid September. They didn’t work so he referred me to an ENT who could see me until December. On the 4th I saw the ENT and he told me we needed a stat CT. The radiologist listed lymphoproliferative disorder and tonsil cancer with lymph node metastases as the differential diagnoses. They did a biopsy a week later and this past Thursday I received the news that the growth was metastatic cancer. It has been a difficult few days. The doctor mentioned they’ll need to remove the nodes and biopsy my tongue and tonsil. I’m so scared. I’m married and have two children. I don’t want to leave my family. I have an appointment Monday to discuss next steps…I’m trying to be brave and trying to convince myself I can get through this, but I’m just so incredibly scared and right now hyper aware of everything, if I have a slight pain in my ribs I’m convinced the cancer has spread to my lungs already. It has been so difficult.

Hello Balvertos,

I am so sorry you received this bad news, especially during this time of year, with a wife and two kids.

Hang in there! It's tough not knowing what we don't know, waiting on answers to what is, and how to move forward. So far my disease has not been determined to be metastatic yet, but I can imagine what you mean about being hyper-aware as I am like that without any evidence of spread yet in my case.

There are quite a few people on here that have had experiences with advanced disease and have come through it swinging, and hopefully can give you some encouragement as you read their stories and about their perseverance through the adversity of it all.

Continue to be brave, and fight the good fight for you and your family the best you can!

You are in our thoughts and prayers, and hope you find some solitude with your family this holiday season as you await next steps.

R/
CQ

Thank you. The ENT seems to believe it’s HPV related and can be successfully treated, it’s just so hard to have any optimism right now. I have a PET scan next Monday I’m so scared it’s going to discover something even worse. Everyone says stay strong and positive and it sometimes makes me feel even worse when I can’t muster up those feelings/emotions like I’m letting people down or making my situation worse by thoughts and emotions I can’t control. I didn’t ask for this. I just want to live a long peaceful healthy life with my wife and children and I’m so scared that’s not possible for me.