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#200157 05-26-2020 07:05 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
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ConnieT Offline OP
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I'm glad I have a place to vent a bit and get info.

I heard a can pop sound last night. Yep, big case of beer in the garage fridge. He is in the middle of chemo and eventually proton therapy.

Obviously, there is never recognition that risky behavior affects anyone but himself.


Spouse of 58 yr old with BOT cancer
Stage 4a HPV16 positive
3 chemo treatments cisplantin
35 radiation treatments 7000 cGy
former smoker/chewed tobacco for 38 yrs.
1/2020 diagnosed with cancer near TMJ
4/2020 chemo 5 days every 2 weeks
6/2020 proton therapy
9/21/2020 cancer free
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 10,503
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Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
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Im so sorry to read this!!! I dont know what to say except... WHY????

You've always had your hands full since your husbands cancer began. I could guess a million things that must be more important right now other than drinking a case of beer. Everything that written about oral cancer talks about alcohol and/or tobacco usage as being the most common causes, even the most unreliable websites say this. Its especially troubling when so many on here have a much worse prognosis and would do anything to change places with someone who obviously does not care about living a life long term. Its terribly sad and at the same time frustrating to see a patient who does not care about himself enough to put up a real fight. Your husband is soooo fortunate to be given options to survive which he really can do, the odds arent against him (if I remember correctly) so he really could (if he wanted to) get thru this and have a decent life afterwards.... if he wants to.

COMPLETE DENIAL is all that keeps coming to mind when I see someone who was fortunate enough to sail right thru rads without the worst debilitating side effects and now has a recurrence so soon afterwards. My heart goes out to you as the caregiver who is faced with helping someone so stubborn. I guess its just more of the same in your household. You always have us to lean on anytime you need to. As you know we help many caregivers and often become very close with so many who are frequent posters.

Wishing you a great day, at least you know we're in your corner no matter what.
((((((HUGS!!!!!))))).


Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 333
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ConnieT Offline OP
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thanks Christine.

He finally got a job after laying around for almost 7 months angry and putting forth little effort to get a job. my comment often is: he always lands on his feet. Seems unfair from my perspective to spit in the face of truth and still come out ahead always. Same with cancer. I commented after round 1 that I"m not sure he learned any lessons and round 2 has shown that to be true. The rules do not apply to him.

I struggle mostly with the fact that he does nothing positive for his health when he's been give a second chance. He used to say : as long as there is a pill for it, I"m not going to change. Sad philosophy. someday the pills will run out or not exist.

Thanks for letting me vent. Being stuck at home due to Covid has not helped me one bit! I am slowly getting back to life since we have few cases in my area. Hanging out with friends at least 1 time a week in a city park gives me a day of sanity. One day at a time.


Spouse of 58 yr old with BOT cancer
Stage 4a HPV16 positive
3 chemo treatments cisplantin
35 radiation treatments 7000 cGy
former smoker/chewed tobacco for 38 yrs.
1/2020 diagnosed with cancer near TMJ
4/2020 chemo 5 days every 2 weeks
6/2020 proton therapy
9/21/2020 cancer free
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 232
"OCF across the pond"
Gold Member (200+ posts)
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"OCF across the pond"
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 232
Oh Connie. I'm so sorry to hear this. There are some people fall in manure and come out smelling of roses. Your husband seems to be one of those.
Huge hugs to you


F 39 x-smoker,non drink
05/20/19 T4aN1/N2bM0 SCC L lateral tongue &10mm into R
Pembro pre & post surgery
RIG 08/10/19
Glossectomy ND RFFR 08/13/19
RT x33
2x cispltin
No doing too bad smile
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 333
Likes: 1
ConnieT Offline OP
Platinum Member (300+ posts)
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Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 333
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you gave me a nice chuckle as I've never heard it said that way but yes....so true.


Spouse of 58 yr old with BOT cancer
Stage 4a HPV16 positive
3 chemo treatments cisplantin
35 radiation treatments 7000 cGy
former smoker/chewed tobacco for 38 yrs.
1/2020 diagnosed with cancer near TMJ
4/2020 chemo 5 days every 2 weeks
6/2020 proton therapy
9/21/2020 cancer free
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 232
"OCF across the pond"
Gold Member (200+ posts)
Offline
"OCF across the pond"
Gold Member (200+ posts)

Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 232
I'm glad I could you make you chuckle xx


F 39 x-smoker,non drink
05/20/19 T4aN1/N2bM0 SCC L lateral tongue &10mm into R
Pembro pre & post surgery
RIG 08/10/19
Glossectomy ND RFFR 08/13/19
RT x33
2x cispltin
No doing too bad smile

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