Im very sorry to read about your mother! Im so glad you have found our site!! We will help you both with info and support for anything/everything to do with oral cancer (OC). Just remember, our group is a bunch of patients, survivors and caregiver who do not have medical training or degrees so we may not always know the answers to some things.
It has been scientifically proven for the best outcome, the best places to be treated for cancer are at any of the 46? Comprehensive Cancer Centers (CCC's) in the US. They use a team based approach so everyone is on the same page. Together the specialists create a treatment plan at a tumor board meeting, patients and caregivers are able to attend, participate and ask questions.
Hopefully what has already been done will not impact what your mom is going thru. Theres nothing that can be done after the fact anyway so its best to move on, taking this step by step. Focus on what is within your control, listen to the doctors and do whatever they tell you and your mother to get this hard part over with to have many happy, healthy years ahead. Ive provided a link to help you and your mother learn more about OC. By educating yourselves more about OC, you can help to make for a strong advocate for your mother. When I first started out with my OC diagnosis in 2007, I had no clue to what my future held. I was a single mom of teenagers without anyone to help me or my children. I could NOT be sick, especially something as serious as cancer.
Right now your mother should be eating everything she wants, desserts too as much as she is able to so soon after surgery. This is even more vitally important if she is on the average or slim size as almost every OC patient loses weight, more than they should even those who go into this overweight. The goal doctors say is they want to see their cancer patient losing no weight at all. Due to treatments, changes in her ability to taste and swallow will likely compromise your moms ability to eat. Its only temporary but seems to be forever!!! Eating all her favorite foods now, try to have a goal of finishing all her the favorites before the treatments begin. While going thru treatments she should be taking in at least 2500 calories and 48-64 oz of water... every single day! It sounds like its alot but those numbers are the minimum we all should strive to take in when fighting cancer. The body burns up calories at an incredibly fast pace trying to get rid of the cancer and rebuild itself. Intake is one of the most important things that will have a direct impact on how easily your mother gets thru everything! Where you mom is being treated, there should be a nutritionist or dietician that could help her as well. One trick to taking in at least the daily minimums is to get the most calories per swallow so opt for calorie rich full fat foods and drinks like chocolate milk is 400 calories per pint.
When friends and relatives hear about your mothers cancer, many will offer to help. Down the road there will be many opportunities for people to help. Write everyone's name and contact info down and tell them when the time comes you will let them know what they can do. Too often well-meaning friends and relatives really want to help but they dont know what they can do. Some patients are not able to drive from the medications they are taking or they could be not well enough so if there a few who wouldnt mind driving your mom places that could be something other can do. Just be aware of anyone who is in close contact with your mom that her resistance will be low so she should avoid crowds, grocery stores, pharmacies, movie theaters, etc. It can me months, maybe even over a year or two for her body to level out Other small things that can mean alot to someone being treated for OC besides transportation are... light housework, picking up prescriptions, doing a load of laundry, walking the dog, cutting the grass, etc. If there are several helpers, rotating several tasks among several people can make it easy to help your mom. If others live in the same house with your mom and she was the main cook of the house, they would appreciate a good homemade meal that some of the helpers made. They could make their own family a big dinner and share it with the others in your moms household. This works great if its rotated among people who know each other like those from your mother church or her work so the volunteer cooks can plan it all out so the same meal isnt repeated. If your mom is like most mothers, she will be concerned about her family, others in her household so homemade meals will make one less thing she needs to be concerned about. Theres all kind of small "jobs" that can make a huge impact on alleviating your mothers responsibilities.
Theres a million more tidbits I could go on and on about but I will spare you from info overload. Since you joined and posted Im assuming you are your mothers caregiver. Its NOT an easy job!!! Being a caregiver can feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders with taking care of your patient, interacting with the medical team, making appointments, keeping track of medications/intake, running here and there for prescriptions/special items your mom needs, taking care of almost everything your mother did before she got sick plus somehow squeezing in time for your own responsibilities and watching someone you love go thru some of their very worst and hardest days while keeping a smile on your face so you dont worry your patient. Definitely NOT easy!!!! It can quickly become overwhelming handling so many things at once and trying to hide your true fears and feelings. Make sure you set aside some time for yourself too. Even just a 15 minute walk around the neighborhood can help make the job easier to manage. Going out to lunch with friends, go to the movies, get a manicure and/or pedicure are a few other ideas you may try when taking a well deserved caregivers break.
We have been thru what your mother is going thru so we can hopefully help make it easier on you and your mom. We completely understand OC, treatments, recovery and all the new feelings that come from getting the OC diagnosis. Its ok to lean on us when you need someone to talk to, vent, and learn some helpful tips. Wishing both you and your mother all the very best with everything!!! Hang in there, now you have us in your corner
Main OCF Site... Understanding section
