he had me drive to town to get him a hamburger. He has refused to swallow anything for 2 days now. Of course, he couldn't swallow as it hurt too much for even one bite. He will not swallow soups that might go down easier. he will not do the steps that other people follow to be successful. I told him to stop being a matryr and use the numbing stuff or some pain meds. He won't. Still too prideful.

Less complaining about the feeding tube today thannk goodness. 3 weeks 2 days out from radiation. He's still laying in bed 24/7. I told him to take a shower and change those clothes tonight as someone is coming tomorrow to take him for a drive and I won't be around if he falls in the shower again. I told him to weigh himself tonight. He hasn't weighed for about 2 weeks now.

The positive is that his mind is better. It's not back to normal but I will say he is not as delusional as he was but pretty much just as stubborn.

I'm going away and working or hanging out with friends every other day for my sanity. Saw my doc this week as my own health has suffered so back on some supplements and double checking my thyroid function.

I'm so over this most days.


Spouse of 56 yr old with BOT cancer
Stage 4a HPV16 positive
3 chemo treatments cisplantin
35 radiation treatments 7000 cGy
former smoker/chewed tobacco for 38 yrs.