So glad you liked it. There is never too much of that shake. Drink it! You can use the calories right now. When you think you have had enough, take 2 more sips and keep telling yourself just 2 more and before you know it, it will be finished.

Vent away....xo

YUP!!! feel free to vent. The taste thing is really sucky, and so is the pain and burning thing, but remember - every day is a day closer to the end. and it will get better. Taste for me took a long time. A few months at least for certain things. I am not sure if I have trained myself after all this time, but anything processed (pop - YETCH!!!! or anything with a lot of additives still tastes like chemical waste... it's awful.) I stick to natural foods - veggies, a little cheese (allergic to it so it keeps me regular - don't ask...) occasional fresh fruits. I pretty much make everything from scratch or I buy it organic with natural ingredients (things like dressings that I am not inclined to make for myself) I found that when my taste started to come back natural foods were the most palatable. My sweet has taken a LONG TIME - so has my salty. I can now tell if something is super sweet because to me it has a hint of sweetness - or alternately when it comes to fruit - is not bitter! Same with salt. But everyone is different.

At this point you still need to brush but I recommend (since the fluoride and minty pastes HURT - buy a children's toothpaste... they are often milder in terms of mint, and have the same amount of fluoride. I bought natural toothpastes that had a licorice taste - that was palatable and didn't burn. Try a few things in the interim. Best of luck.

So, I am 2/3 through the treatment! Just finished 20th session tonight (out of 30).

Wednesday was my last day at work. I have managed to finish and submit an abstract for a scientific conference in Italy next May, I really hope it gets accepted and I get to go. So it is home now for a while, hopefully not for too long.

My taste is still wonky, at this point I can not say if it is getting worse or not. My skin certainly is though, and my RO prescribed me Silvadene yesterday. He also gave me viscous Lidocaine for my gums when I asked for the Magic mouthwash. For some reason he is against it. He was also against me rinsing my mouth with aloe vera. He seems to be pretty much against any rinsing agent other then salt/baking soda. I have started using the (old formula) Biotene toothpaste as the prescription strength fluoride paste really burns. My mouth is getting dry too -still some saliva but not as much as usual.

For those who have experience with Silvadene, how often do you use it? Do you still use other creams you were given together with it? I was using something called Radiaplex gel. Also aloe vera gel.

On the depressing side, this will be my very first Thanksgiving out of 12 in USA alone. I normally spend it with friends, and am always the one to organize/invite people who have nowhere else to go, particularly international people like myself. I am obviously in no condition to organize anything myself now. I am very disappointed by the fact that nobody thought to invite me or even ask what I will be doing this year, especially under current circumstances. Sigh...

Hi Ambra,
Where are you?
We used the Silvadene. I applied it twice a day on Kevin's neck. He was a mess. We put it on in the morning and then again in the evening. We covered it with bandages so it didn't get all over his clothes. You don't want to apply it just before your rad tx though. I think we actually didn't start using it until we were done with tx.
I hope someone gets a clue and invites you for the Holiday. That really is lame!
Kathy

Just remember the thoughtlessness is THEIR problem, not yours. May not make the disappointment go away altogether but at least don't point any blame at yourself. Never know, a few might at least offer to bring over a plate or some gesture of kindness and respect. Don

Ambra, people never cease to amaze me - the empathy and compassion of strangers; the thickheaded selfishness of relatives. I had a relative say to me they just wouldn't know what to say to my brother after he was diagnosed so just didn't ring - this was after me dropping some mighty big hints. My brother has expressed disappointment at the lack of contact from some people, but was profoundly comforted by the regular contact of others he might not have expected to do so, like a friend of mine who rang regularly, but who he'd never had a great deal to with him previously. There are a LOT of people thinking of you here. xx

Ambra,

Yep, people are strange. I was very upset for a while about the lack of contact from certain friends (and astonished at acquaintances who really stepped up), but after having some distance, I realized that my cancer diagnosis just completely freaked people out. I had one friend who recently confessed that she alternated between being sad for me and so happy that it wasn't her, that it left her paralyzed with guilt and completely unable to face me.

At the end of the day, I choose to focus on those who really were there, and while I have kept the "absentee" people in my life, there is always now a bit more distance with them.

We're thinking of you, even though we're not there!

Hi Ambra:
Congrats on 2/3 done. I just passed 1/3 done, I am so envious of you, though not envious of your symptoms. You're just going to be through with it so much earlier; like I said, I'm jealous.

As for people, I guess my mother is the wierdest. All she wants to do is to say I worry about you, are you doing okay? Of course I'm not doing okay, but she wants me to say "yes, I'm doing fine" anyway. I can't discuss any details of what is going on with her as 1. she doesn't understand them and has no desire to understand them and 2. it just makes her want to end the phone call quickly. So, I have to try to keep everything "nice", which of course sounds like a phony, worthless conversation to me. I get way more support out of my friends, particularly the ones who have had cancer themselves. They know how to do it right, as I learned last night at dance club. I could have danced twice as much if I didn't have to spend half the evening listening to them. But they had to know sooner or later, so oh well, suck it up, get it over with.

Ambra, you are not alone in a global sense, even if you are alone in a local sense on Thanksgiving Day. I PM'd you my telephone number before, I will also PM you my cell number. I would love to talk to you on Thanksgiving evening. We can talk about dance if you like, or cancer, or even Italy. You make the decision.

take care Ambra, you're getting there one day at a time, even if those days seem to take forever.

Tony

It's weird - really some people just don't want you to burst their happy normal bubble with scary as shit news - cuz low and behold it's terrifying to think that you might have to face something similar some day.

My sister in law was the same - never asked me how I was - or anything she saw me once in the hospital and that was it - we get together regularly (with her parents and such) and she never once asked how I was - what my treatment plan was etc... That's just the type of person she is.

Right now my father in law is going through treatment (actually just finished radiation and chemo ) for esophageal cancer. - I got him into a top dr. In Toronto, and down at Pmh - I've spent a fair portion of my days off (I work a split week - always have mon, Friday , off and every second Thursday - I told her and my hubby (her brother) I would do what I could up front. Took him to various tests and did the long chemo / rads days with him as they were always on a Monday, I pretty much did two days a week and let them sort out how they split the other three days - we always worked it around her work schedule and my husband has flexibility so every week I would organize it so we know who was taking him when and where and if there were any other appointments (mo, RO, bloodwork - etc) and two weeks ago we were at my house for my father inlaws birthday and she had the Gaul to say to me... You know you're being pretty heroic you know since you're not even part of the family?????!!!!!! HuH? never mind he fact that I have been married to my husband for 27 years and he is my children's grandfather... Are you kidding me... ?
Some people are just putzes - I told her its something I would do for a friend as well as family - and ideally family - does for one another.

But it does give you some insight into what type of a person she is.

So if I'm not family ( after being married to your brother for a quarter of a century ) then what? Who gives a shit what happens to me? So being family is the only qualifier for you to step in and offer a hand? (No wonder she has like - 1 friend) seriously - can you say self centered much?

Ergh... Sometimes friends are better to you than family... And you definitely find out who your friends are... Hugs.