I have no idea what to say, and there is no way to alleviate the grief many including myself are feeling. I know many of the olds timers here are horribly affected by his passing, but make no mistake he will be missed by all.... hugs and love and RIP charm.

for tom's family, christine and ocf friends, my deepest sympathies. sadly i read this the day my mom had a (surprise) cancer surgery at the same ccc my dad now celebrates 2 years out, and it reminds me how important it is *where* you are treated and knowing as much as possible.

charm's voice was spot on, no bs...i liked it even though it scared me into learning more.

there are a few good things about this experience. you see the best in people. it humbles you. you cherish time.

I have cried as if I knew Charm personally, and in a way, I guess we all did. He was brilliant, helpful, and clever on this forum, as I'm sure was true in all aspects of his life.

Lottie

I keep coming back here to feel the caring we all had for Charm and for any comfort we can give to each other. Charm helped us and inspired us all in so many different ways. His passing leaves a void . . . and a reminder to hold our loved ones a little closer and as Caco says . . to cherish time.
Still, a voice inside of me keeps crying out. . . . Charm! you left us way too soon!

We lost one of the very best.

Bev has asked me to post this thank you on the forum.....


I write this with a heavy heart. Finding the right words has been difficult. I am so devastated over Tom's death. I had hoped that he could have hung on longer even though I could see that he was spending more and more time in bed. Hope and a lot of denial!!!

My son and I have been walking around in a daze this past week. My future daughter-in-law was our rock this week. She got the ball rolling and did everything that needed to be done. We are so thankful and grateful to have her in our lives. I was with Tom at home while we waited for the paramedics to arrive. I was able to hold him, kiss him, comfort him, and tell him what a wonderful husband and father he had been to myself and our son over the years. I wasn't sure if he could hear or understand what I had just said, so I asked him if he heard me and he shook his head yes. After the paramedics took over that was my last contact with him. His lungs had filled with blood and he had stopped breathing. I watched the paramedics in the back of the ambulance trying to keep him alive with CPR. Tom died shortly after we arrived at the hospital.

His funeral mass yesterday was beautiful and gave us all a sense of closure. I feel that Tom is in heaven now and at peace. No more illness and constant pain and worry. The night before he died neither one of us slept well that night and each time we wokeup we held hands until we both fell back asleep. Tom put up a courageous fight for 5 1/2 years. I admire him for that. I don't know if I could have done what he did. I know that a lot of that ability he had to maintain a positive attitude and keep fighting especially during his third round of treatment came from all of the wonderful love and support that he got from our OCF friends. I am so grateful that he had all of you and I thank you all for your constant support . He not only fought to stay alive for himself and his loved ones here at home but for all of you too on OCF. He cared a great deal about being a positive influence for all of you so you all could fight back too. It meant a lot to Tom to be able to reach out to all of his OCF friends and give back his love and support too for all of you.

Tom and I have shared many tears over the years for the passing of other OCF members and also for all of the other members dealing with difficulties and heartaches as well as their families. We enjoyed meeting other OCF members at the Oral cancer walks and have cherished their friendship and support. Even though Tom and I would have liked to get to know more members of OCF personally, I still feel like you are all part of my special family. My heart goes out to all of you on OCF too because you've all lost a special friend and his love and support. I want to thank you all for your donations to the Tom Baker Memorial. I hope that one day in the future we will be able to prevent other people from having to endure the same ordeal that we have all had to suffer through as an oral cancer patient and the oral cancer caregivers. I want to thank the other caregivers on OCF too for your support for me and our family members (my son, future daughter-in-law and myself have read your online words of support in the guestbook). I was Tom's caregiver over the years and I know how difficult, stressful, as well as how painful emotionally it is see a person you love have to endure so much pain and disability. Many of you have lost your loved one too so I know I'm not alone. I feel for the first-time caregivers who are just joining OCF. It's scary. Hang in there.

Thanks too for all of the love and support from our special friends, Christine from PA (we hung out together at two Oral Cancer Walks) and Eric from Idaho (we hosted Eric at our home for a couple of nights and got to know him personally while he was visiting Washington, DC with Brian on business with NIH). This is getting long and now I'm rambling. Thank you all soooooo much. Life goes on and somehow my son, Tom, and I will find our way after our grieving period. Tom would want us to get back into life and find joy again.

Best regards,
Beverly Baker





If you would like to read Charm's obituary and sign his guest book, here is the link. There are only about 20 signatures on the guest book and about 17 of them are from OCF members. It takes about 24 hours for your message to appear. It means alot to Bev to see these messages so if you havent written yet, please try to soon.

Tom Baker's Guest Book (for Charm)


If you would like to read more in depth about Charm's life or to donate to the Tom Francis Baker Memorial Fund, here is the link.

The Thomas Francis Baker Jr OCF Memorial Fund(Charm)


Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to post on these threads. Im sure one day Bev will be able to come here and read all the kind messages everyone has written. She will see how much her husband was loved from people around the world. He touched thousands of patients lives and will never be forgotten.

Thank you, Christine, for posting that for Bev. It was wonderful and sad reading what she wrote straight from her heart. Please tell her how much we appreciate her message. Also, if you would, please post her address so we can send her a personal sympathy card. Bev is blessed to have you for her friend, and you are blessed to have her for your friend. Thanks again,
julieann

Thanks SO much for posting Bev's note.
I really miss the old Frack, preparing and posting message, excited to hear his response, but now knowing I won't see his messages pop up is really quite just plain sad.
don

I cant post Bev's address on the forum for privacy reasons. If there is anyone who would like to send her a sympathy card, send me a PM and I give you the address.



@ Julieann, I emailed you her address yesterday. If you havent received it please let me know.

Thank you, Christine for posting Bev's note. How kind it was of her to think of us and to share with us the last tender moments she shared with Tom. I miss him so much.