To start, I'd just like to say how much I appreciate this site.I am a 19 year old college student living at home in Dallas, TX. My father was recently diagnosed with Squamous Cell Cancer of the Throat. They did a radical neck dissection and removed both tonsils, and a select few of the lymph nodes. When the tonsils and lymph nodes were tested, the right tonsil tested positive for cancer as did some but not all of the lymph nodes. The right tonsil was when the cancer originated.
The news of cancer hit my family hard. For some reason, I had the same thought about this disease that everyone else does. " Cancer? In my family? Never! "
Not so smart of me. My father's first sign of cancer was like many other accounts I've read. It all started with a lump on the side of the neck, that progressively grew. He almost immediately had the neck dissection, and was in the hospital for 2 days afterward. For the next 3 weeks, ( leading up to now), he's seen numerous doctors for various things. Yesterday he had 6 of his teeth removed by an Oral Surgeon.
The first week of October he is due to start his first treatments of radiation therapy, and soon after, chemotherapy.

I seem to not be the only one that had this invincible disease free feeling about my family and I. My father is doing everything but dealing with this. I want him to read what I've read, uplifting, promising survivor stories. They help, so much.
But he's so afraid.
My father was told his whole life by barbers he'd die before he went bald, his hair is so thick.
Now he found out he's going to lose it. This is the only real thing he's shown emotion about. I love my father, more than anything. My mother and I are getting closer now that this has happened, but her and I still can't really talk to one another.
I am just so afraid to lose my father to this..and I have read so much saying that the patient must have an optimistic attitude about this to beat it.
And he doesn't.
He has no attitude about this. I know he's cried, and when the nurse took him to the "Chemo Room" he broke down and had to leave.
But I wish he would talk. To my mother or me.

I plan to become a pretty dedicated member of this site, because I find so many helpful posts.
My heart goes out to all of you.

-Amy

Amy,

Welcome to the neighborhood! I know it is so devastating for you and your family just to hear the word cancer. I still remember first the diagnosis with my mother and then a year later when they told me she only had weeks to live. It has been four years now and I still see the doctor's face as he told me there was no hope. Even with the four weeks they thought, she still hung on for almost nine months. In many ways it was the best nine months of my life and in many ways the worst. If I had to, I would do it again in a second.

I, too, am in Dallas. October 8 last year is when I finished my treatment. You tell your dad that as tough as it gets, I know many people here in Dallas that have traveled the same road. I am here for him any time he needs someone to talk to and I would certainly visit him any time he wants the company. I can answer just about any question he has or direct him to somewhere to find the answer. If not, many people here have been through exactly what he is facing.

Your dad is so fortunate to have you trenching in and learning about his disease and issues to help him along the road to recovery. Your love will be the fuel he will need the most!

You tell your dad that like it or not he has officially become a member of "the club no one wants to join". We are a very close family here and we all have one incredible common bond. Even in the worst of times, our bond transcends all! You are here for a reason and we are glad to have you.

Hang in there, it will get a bit rougher before it gets better. If you need anything just ask.

Ed

Hello Amy,

Sorry you found yourself in need of a site like this, but glad you found it. Fear is a perfectly normal reaction to this stuff. There's nothing wrong with being affraid. It's how we deal with that fear that is important.

I read in the news about a recent study in Australia involving cancer patients and attitude. What they found was that a positive attitude didn't help improve survivability, but it did help quality of life. Once you start down the cancer path, you find that quality of life becomes nearly paramount. My point here is not to fret too much about your dad's current attitude. In addition to this situation being new to you, it's new to him and sometimes us guys are kind of funny in how we process emotions. And a diagnosis like this is emotionally overwhelming for everyone.

Obvously, your dad is having a rough time. Neck dissection, teeth being pulled and looking forward to radiation therapy and chemo, which are unknowns to him right now. Fear of the unknown is THE worst. He has no idea how he'll handle the radiation and chemo. All he knows is what he's heard, which is probably mostly wrong and what ever the docs and nurses have told him, which probably isn't much. Myself, I had long curly brown hair when my own journey started and you can't imagine the feeling when it starts falling out in clumps from the chemo. At this point, I refused to let the chemo be in charge and shaved my head.

On the plus side, my hair is back and I'm growing it out again. (It's still curly) I got through my treatments and we have every reason to believe your dad will get through his. Don't get too discouraged by his lack of opening up. He's still trying to adjust to the situation and figure out how he's going to deal with all this. To his credit, he has you as his daughter and I am sure there are many others who love him and will help him through this. I would suggest that you try and relax a little and let him have what ever space he needs to deal with this while remaining supportive.

Hang in there...

-Brett

Ed and Brett,

Thank you both so much for you helpful replies. I guess I am just entirely too anxious about all of this, anxious for it to be over.
I need to be patient, with this whole situation. I've already got myself so worked up and the worst has yet to come.

Oh! On a much brighter note, my father's PET Scan results came back, and the doctor just called.
No signs of cancer anywhere else!

I am hoping for much more encouraging news like this.

-Amy

Amy,
I can identify with you because I have a 19 yr old daughter who is a student at U.T. in Austin( not to mention two more in high school). I just want you to know that your dad will very likely get through this just fine. I had a tough time of it during and particularly after treatment...it really requires patience... not that we have any choice but to be patient.

The good news is that now, two years later, I am cancer free, I look and feel healthy and, but for some difficulty swallowing and the ever persistent dry mouth, can do all of the same things that I did before I was diagnosed. Of course I don't have as much energy as Brian Hill, but who does!!Encourage your dad to hang in there and I wish the best of luck to you and your dad. He is lucky to have such a loving and caring daughter.

Danny G.

Hi, Amy.
You are a bright young woman to have searched for and found this site, and brighter still for recognizing the real value hidden here. I 'joined the club' a little over one month ago, and it has eased many fears and answered so many questions.
One thing you can tell your dad is that he might NOT lose any hair, depending on which drug they determine will be best for him. I was devastated, too, thinking my husband would lose his great hair, but nary a one has fallen out. He did, however, cut it very short just for the convenience factor, since he's spending lots of time sleeping these days!
Our youngest is a junior at James Madison Un in Harrisonburg, VA, and she's been an angel - calling home to check on him and giving up weekends to come home for a quick visit. You will be a true pillar for your dad..and I'm sure you can make him see the value in looking ahead.
Let him know that he can find real support here - and that we already extend love and prayers for his full recovery.
Nicki

Hey Amy,
Welcome! I have two sons, ages 25 and 20. My youngest was 19 when he had to deal with his dad's cancer. We all went through some stages, mostly fear, but my boys did slow down a bit to be with their dad. The best thing you can do is be there for him and it sounds like you are doing that already. Lots of prayer and a great support team helped us a great deal. You and your family will be in my prayers.
God bless,
Debbie

Amy,

My name is Megan,I'm a 20 year old college stundent. My Mom is Minnie, she posts alot on this site. I have been reading the posts on the site for a few months but never really thought I should post because no matter how hard you try you and I have no idea what any of these people are going through...but I do know what you are going through.

My Mom had stage 4 SCC in her lower left jaw. She got diagnosed on April 1st 2003 and had her surgery on April 16th, My birthday of all days. They replaced her jaw with a bone from her leg. She had a neck disection and they removed some lymphnodes, then she went through radiation.

I thought the same way you did before cancer became a part of our family, that it could never happen to us. The anger I have felt over the past 17 months is overwhelming. I couldn't understand why this happened to her. She has so much to live for and so many people that need her. I have six sisters and we were all really close to my Mom before cancer and are even closer after. It really makes you appreciate life. I know I have a different outlook on the things that are important.

I think you really need to try to talk to your Mom about all your feelings and tell your Dad to log on here and talk to everyone. It was SO great for my Mom to talk to people that were going through the same thing she is and she has made some good friends. My Mom is still cancer free 17 months after her surgery. Her doctors are awesome and she has a really good spirit which I agree is REALLY important. I know that she is always going to be fearful about the cancer returning and its something we talk about alot, but she always says that IF it does come back then we will deal with it just like we did the first time. I have to say I don't know how well I would deal with everything if I was her. I sometimes think that the fact that she can't really eat potato chips bugs me way more then it bugs her. haha.

I hope your Dad will be alright. I am going to put in a prayer request for him and you at our church. Feel free to email me anytime. [email protected]. You'll be in my thoughts.

-Megan

Everyone,

I am so grateful to all of you for your support and prayers. I am so fearful of what the future holds for my father, my family and I; but I know that all I can do is wait patiently, pray for the best and stand by my father no matter what.
My father is waking up early and going into work for half the day tomorrow, which makes me very happy. He hasn't been in the office in a while, understandably, and I'm glad to see him focusing on other things.
I hope that soon my father will be up to logging onto this site, Lord knows it has helped me.

-Amy

Hi Brett,

I never heard about a study of cancer survivability down here in Oz. Do you remember where it came from?

I'm not sure if I have a positive attitude myself, but others think I do. I just say I haven't time to have cancer, "too busy", (been working all through as I'm self employed).

This site has been a godsend, whatwith all the wonderful people and advice, and I don't feel so alone. That's the hard part. I found writing to be helpful, and I have been informing as many as possible about this monster. Some of my writings are to be broadcast on national radio soon.

I hope I make it to my 50th, and I'm sure I will - gotta have another big milestone party

Talking of losing hair, my aunt who has lymphoma, lost all of her blonde hair, but now it is growing back, and dark! She is 80-ish!

As regards support from family members around diagnosis, surgery, radio, etc, for me it was one of the most horrible times of my life. Fights, trying to break up my marriage, supporting a sick alcoholic husband, running a business, moving house, having my first operation, besides trying to deal with this "thing". Now things are better with my family, and my uncle is amazed that I survived! So am I!

I'm not religious, but the same sentiments and good wishes apply from me to everyone on this site. Nuff said.

Cheers!

Tizz (having a little rave - sorry!)