I am writing to you about my mother, who in january of 2003 was diagnosed with cancer of the upper jaw. In short we went through the terror of cancer, especially when we were told it was serious and she was stage 3+ she had to have her upper jaw on one side removed and half the roof of her mouth, she had her skull cut open to take out 'skull matter' to rebuld her mouth, add that to a scar right down the middle of her face, it was not nice, she has to now wear a false plate and it was a truely awful time for us all. However she survived! a few months later she had a scare of a lump in her neck, to be on the safe side she had it removed,again we were all terrorfied for her, it was not cancerous thankfully, so we were very lucky.

My dear mother really went through the mill, however what I wanted to convey to you is, nearly a year a half has elapsed and life is back on track, she is still cancer free. My mother has aged a bit mind, she has took a hammering by all she has been through, but she is out and about, she is not letting it effect her life. She goes out weekends, running a market stall, even though she is 67!! (as its her hobby!) my father and her go on holidays to greece, I take mum out shopping and to shows and we have fun and I have had a whole year and a half more than i ever thought i would ever get. Life isnt quite the same for any of us, especially mum, she has had to get used to wearing a plate and she suffers with a sticky mouth, a result of the op and a saliva gland being removed, but she is getting on with things, she has been clear for a year and a half nearly and the fear and terror we experienced is still with us, but as a memory and there is life after cancer for us all. Believe me there IS life after cancer scares. If anyone who reads this who is in the middle of a scary moment, worrying about their loved ones, please have faith, please stay positive, we really did not think mums recovery was going to happen and we all knew we needed alot of luck on our side, but she got through it and we really have come out the other side, so it can happen. I think her strength of character made her beat it too, so stay strong and dont let it beat you! I hope this has given you hope. When mum was diagnosed we gave her 100% support, infact i gave up my work to be with her 8 hours a day throughout her operation and recovery, she said this helped, but we also tried everything, we were advised a vegan, healthy, organic diet was best , so when we could we BOTH ate it! (I ate it in support!) we laughed in the face of hopelessness, i know it sounds mad, but we tried to lighten the terror, by laughing of how ridiculous the situation was. A good example was when mum came out of hospital, her head was completely swollen and she had loads of huge staples in her head, her hair was full of dried blood and red, she desparately wanted it washed to feel better, but she couldnt stand for long, so I went into the garden got her a sun lounger and placed it in the shower, with her lying on it resting, but with me being able to gently shower her hair, as the sun lounger was plastic, so it didnt matter if it got wet. Well imagine the scene, the only way i could reach was to get in the shower, so i put on t shirt and shorts and there i was getting soaking wet trying to bathe my dear mums head as she led on a sun lounger in the bathroom! not really enjoying trying to bathe round a row of maybe 20 huge staples! Mad i know, but it worked and we laugh at how ridiculaous it must have looked till this day. Its not nice looking after someone who has gone through this, just to look at mums scars and staples and tending her scars was quite horrific, but we did it! I cried regularily into my pillow at night, scared for her, but the make up went on the next day when i saw her and I stayed positive and somehow we did it!
Mum looks ok now, her scars have heeled, no one would know what she has been through, its not obvious.Really and truthfully, normality can come back into your life. So please stay strong, as a carer i know how hard it is, but use the time to bond, you just have to make the best of a horrible time and pray and hope and do all you can. Personally we didnt ignore any advise, we tried reiki and healing crystals, everything, I doubt they did anything, but who knows? she is still here! anything is worth the try? We dont wish to just walk away and not give back anything to others, we know how lucky we are. If anyone would like to contact me for a chat, please do, we can relate our experiences if it helps. We wish everyone here on this sight strength to cope, lots of love and our very best wishes.
Su and her mum Janet xx

Su (and Janet),

Thank you for the absolutely beautiful stories! Your mother is so fortunate to have you and your love. It is so much easier to look back and see the good things through the struggles of life and if we don't stop and look back, how can we truly appreciate where we are today?

I had a good friend and her mother went through breast cancer treatment and her hair fell out. My friend who was always a bit on the glamourous side, shaved her lovely head, too. It was adorable to think of this lovely young lady who was always dressed to the nines, going bald to help her mother not feel embarassed.

I, too, took off work to care for my mother and even though she didn't make it, I still have the most wonderful memories and four years later my wife and I are still chuckling at some of the madness and how we made do when we had to. Life is a joy if you take time to make the memories!

Ed

Su and Janet,
Thanks for such inspiration. It's been a long haul for us, also and Su I know all about the crying to yourself. Everyday I would walk my dog around the paths here in Columbia, MD, and cry out to God to please heal Dan completely. As I met people in the chemo/rad dept. (patients and docs and nurses), my list got longer. And now with all the people in our church and on this board, I have to walk over a half an hour just to have time to pray for everyone!! That part of it all has been awesome because it made me think of others as much as my hubby and our situation. I got laid off from my job that I had for 8 years the 3rd week of Dan's chemo/rad treatments. I knew 6 months ago about the layoff and was so not happy and trying to wonder why this had to happen...boy, what great timing. I couldn't have worked and taken care of Dan at the same time, so again God had the whole plan worked out...looking back I can see how some things were meant to happen. I try to not ask the why questions...but more about what I can learn or who I can help after going thru this. Your post gives me so much hope...
God bless,
Debbie

Hi Su and Janet
Thanks for your insperational story... just what I needed to hear.. having just been told that I now need a bigger surgical procedure than I thought. . helped to give me confidence to face up to the realities knowing I will get through..
love and hugs to you both
Helen

Hi, Sue and Janet, such a beautiful note, full og so many truths......I know Frank`s strength of spirit kept him going through 5 yrs, 6 surgeries, 2 rounds of radiation. He faced everything like a warrior. We also had many a laugh, and we never gave up hope.........to Ed, if Frank was going to have chemo, I was going to shave my head too!!!! I did find his beard trimmer a couple weeks ago, and gave myself a buzz cut, anyway, Frank always liked my hair that way, so I guess I was still doing it for him............Love and Hugs, Dee

Thank you adding your stories too , they are all so touching. One thing I also wanted to add, was when mum first got diagnosed, as anyone who has had an experience with cancer, the shock was just numbing, so much so, for the first time in my 35 years I saw my father cry (that was so hard to handle, he was always the strong one?) but what I was going to say, was I intially felt I had to do something, make it right for them all,it seemed I was the only one who could just about function, i had to take control, as you know the feeling of hopelessness is over powering, we all know if we could chop off our arm to heel our loved ones, we all would, but the feeling of not knowing what to do to help is really hard. However amongst many other things i did to help, I decided in desparation to go onto the net and search for info on jaw cancer and I came across a sight which claimed to have this heeler who could tell me all about it, basically after reading my e mail wanting help, he replied my mother had no chance of survival,surgery will not help her, she will be butchered and it will not work, say your goodbyes! Honestly, I read those words over and over again, horrorfied and I cried my heart out, inconsoleable, was this really the fate of my dear mother. How could I let her go for surgery with someone telling me this? I kept these words to myself (naturally) scared to death. However what you need to know is the man that gave me this advise was not a doctor, but a so called heeler? and I had strayed into a sight which was not official and he knew no more of my mothers fate than I. Please be everso careful!! the internet can be great but it sadly has heartless people who play with vulnerable peoples emotions. Then I found this OCF sight and Brian was brilliant, he gave me hope and genuine advise, to anyone who is reading about oral cancer for the first time. Dont go anywhere else but here and this sight, stay on this sight, you will get support and care and genuine facts and advise and not be mislead. There are some really horrible people out there, that may tell you things that may not happen and I would hate for anyone to experience an unnecessary scare as i did. The only people you should listen to is your doctor. REMEMBER MY MOTHER RECOVERED (we have had one and half years more than we ever hoped for), SHE GOT THROUGH WHAT WAS A VERY SERIOUS CONDITION, I AM NOT GOING TO SAY IT WAS EASY,BUT SHE RECOVERED AND HAS A GOOD QUALITY OF LIFE NOW, HER SCARS HAVE HEELED. i REALISE SADLY NOT EVERYONE MAKES IT AND I AM SO VERY SORRY TO THOSE WHO HAVE LOST, MY THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU AND I SEND MY LOVE, BUT CANCER CAN BE BEATEN SO FOR THOSE OF YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ALL, STAY STRONG AND THINK OF WHAT YOU WILL DO WHEN YOU ARE WELL,TALK AND PLAN SOMETHING NICE, DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY, TRY AND KEEP NORMALITY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, STAY STRONG, STAY POSITIVE, we send positive across the pond to you all, and kind thoughts your way. xxx

Never underestimate the power of strong will. Whether we call it charma, Buddhist principle, spirituality, faith, fate, etc., when we hear bad news such as the healer you reference, it gives us the resolve to dig a little deeper within ourselves and pull through just to prove them wrong. Bad advice can stop people in their tracks or propel them to succeed, depending on your frame of reference. When the doctor told me only 50% of the people have no detectable Hep C virus after a rough year of treatment, I was thinking this is almost TWICE as high as the best baseball players getting a hit off of a pitch. Two years later, the virus is still undetectable. When the ENT told me statistics show 40% survival rate for HNC, I still thought what an awesome baseball player that would be. It is sort of the half full or half empty glass. Half full when you are tired but usually half empty, wanting more added!

Ironically, a study was released a few months back studying lung cancer patients and positive attitude. All 100 patients passed on eventually and there was no noticable difference in survival rates between the ones with the best attitude and the ones with the worst attitudes. There was a concensus, however, that the ones with the positive attitude certainly enjoyed life and had a much higher quality of life! I try to remind my wife often that we can waste a day worrying or fretting (as she calls it) about something that we can't really change anyway...the outcome is that we will lose a precious day of life that we may never get back and the problem ended up exactly the same.

It is quite remarkable that we meet each other across the ponds at all corners of the world, yet our one common bond of such a dreaded disease has brought us so much joy, happiness, fellowship and companionship! God bless all of you as he has me.


Ed

Su & Janet,

You remind me a lot of myself. I am 34 and my mom is 56 and I went through a lot of the same emotions as you. My mom finished her treatment at the end of March 04 and just this past Tuesday we went to dinner and shopping just like we used to. Its the best feeling when they start to heal and you can really see that they are starting to feel better. Its been a tough battle but things truly do get better!

Dani

.....and you value every moment with them, dont you!
Thanks for your addition to this link and I am so pleased for you and your mum, I hope our stories are inspiring people to stay strong. I know cancer isnt always curable, but I hope this gives anyone reading these links hope.
Anyone else with good positive stories please add them to this link, the more the better, so we can make a huge happy link, with loads of positive energy, for anyone who is in the middle of that 'awful dark scary' bit, so we can keep them strong and positive. xx

Sad news regarding a friend of mine.

I wanted to pay my respects today to a dear friend.

For those of you who know me, I have supported my mother through oral cancer and I am thankful every day she is still alive and I feel very lucky for this and we have a lovely success story for you and I am sorry to add this sad story to such a happy link, but a sad thing has happened this week and i wanted to just say a few words.

This week, I heard of a death of an old friend. He didnt have oral cancer, but a soft tissue cancer, which was linked to the blood, but he was only 38 and left a wife and four young children.
His name was Rob and he was a really lovely man, upbeat, cheerful, strong and full of dignity and a good friend to my family and I. He worshipped his children and was proud of his family and he battled for 18 months to beat the cancer he had.

However in late june he was in the final stages and requested to leave the hospital and spend his last few days in the company of his family.
He died with his loving family around him.

I just wanted to pay my respects to this dear man and send my thoughts and love to his family and to all who knew him.

It is so very sad and at times like this, i dont understand why? and I dont know why some make it and some dont, please forgive me for posting this sad tale, but he didnt have oral cancer and in my experience I have witnessed my mother recover from oral cancer, so I hope I can still send you lots of hope.

But for now, Dear Rob, this is for you mate, this should never have happened to you, you were a good friend to us all, you were put on this world to be a father, it was what you always wanted and you have some wonderful children to be so very proud of, rest in peace. xx

Thank you to all on this sight for allowing me to share this with you.

God bless xx