Hi All,

I have been on this site many times over the past 9 months, but never officially became a member until today.

My mother passed away of oral cancer on April 22nd. She was first diagnosed with breast cancer at age 39, when I was 12 years old. Thankfully it was caught early enough... chemo, radiation, and surgery cured her for over 25 years. In 2007 it came back stage IV, however due to being hormone receptor positive, she was able to live relatively symptom free for the past 5 years. In August of 2011, she was diagnosed with early stage squamous cell oral cancer when she found a small patch in her mouth. Within 3 weeks it had tripled in size. It was removed through treatment. Surgeons were able to remove all of it, but unfortunately it had already invaded her lymph nodes. After healing from surgery, which included a trach and reconstruction from a graft taken from her arm and leg, my mother started 6 weeks of oral radiation along with 6 treatments of cistplatin (chemo). As radiation ravaged her mouth, she was forced to take a few breaks. She didn't give up though and fought her way through to the end. She finished treatments in mid January. Her doctors said protocol was to wait 12 weeks for her post-treatment pet scan. 6 weeks short of her pet scan appointment she began to feel extreme pain in her side, followed by a tumor on her rib. All downill from there... an ultrasound, chest x-ray, ct scan, and biopsy all led to an ill fate. Her ct scan results were delivered on March 23. Hospice was started 2 weeks later. She passed away on April 22nd. I didn't leave her side for a month. Hardest ordeal of my life. Hoping some of you can help me find my way through this grief and adjusting to a life without her

Aimlee, deepest condolences for your loss, I can only imagine how empty you feel. There are many wonderful folks who can help you grieve. It takes a long time to recover, and the people here will help you as long as it takes.

Aimlee, I am terribly sorry to read your story of your mother. Losing a parent is so difficult, as is any immediate family member's loss. Wishing you can remember all the good times, the happier, healthier times you shared together to help ease your pain. May she now rest in peace, free from all the pain.

Welcome to you, thank you for joining OCF. There are many members who have been thru the loss of a close relative to oral cancer who understand what you endured. I have lost both of my parents many years ago. It is so difficult learning to go on without their presence. I know in time you too will find your way.

Best wishes!

Hi there and welcome - I too lost my mom years ago and miss her still. I totally understwnd - it sounds lik your mom was a fighter. She obviously loved you and your family very much. Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason to OC - it can be highly aggressive.. Hugs to To you particularly with all you've been through - we're here... I'm not sure how religious you are but I truly believ your mom is with you still watching over you. Take care!!!

Oh Aimee reading your post was so heartbreaking. I lost my Mom 12 years ago and I still think about her every day. After my Mom died I got some grief counseling and it really helped. For me the first year was the hardest. Sending you lots of hugs...we are all here for you. I believe what Cheryl said, your Mom is your guardian Angel now and will always watch over you.

Take care,

Shelley

Aimlee, I'd saddened to read about your mom's passing. We're all here to help you in this very tough time. My thoughts are with you.

Aimlee,
I am so sorry to read about your Mom. I believe you were a great source of comfort to her as you were with her much of the time. Your gift of yourself, being with your Mom, is beautiful and humbling. There are many here, as you have already met some, who have lost loved ones, too. You are in compassionate company. Please come here often. The support we can offer will help you through this very sad time.

Hi Aimee: I'm so glad you became a member of this Forum. Please stay with us. Your Mom was an incredible person and with strength too great to describe. You, too, are a strong person, and have gone through so much. There are no words to describe the loss of your Mom, except to say that she is still with you and guarding over you. At times you will feel her closeness, and that will make you smile. I lost my son when he was in his 20s, and at times I can actually feel his presence and "smell" his soap smell from his showers (don't think I'm nuts - just you wait . Time will help, but will never heal her loss. Memories will keep the love for her very much alive. Hugs from julieann

Thank you all SO much for the incredibly warm welcome and words of support. You are all amazing people.

I too am so sorry for your loss. To battle so hard and lose the fight in the end stinks. I don't think there any specific words that could ease your grief, but hopefully it helps to know you have some extended family out here in cyber space!! The caregiver forum is a good place to find a few folks who have recently lost someone. That might be a good place to look at and read.
Thinking of you,
Kathy