I had my second surgery in two weeks on New Year's Eve to assess tumor size and spread. The ENT called it "staging". The surgery papers I signed read malignant base of tongue neoplasm with procedures to do a wide area excision of tumor and a panedoscopy (lighted scope to check layrnx, esophagus, trachea, bronchia). All to be done as outpatient. It was tough just signing the papers. In writing it appeared much more serious than the discussions about in the ENT's office.
I left for the hospital at 10am, had surgery around 12:30pm, and was back home by 5pm. My wife gave me the post surgery, preliminary pathology test result while I was in recovery. Of 5 additional biopsy samples taken all came back negative. Not just "within margin" but negative. Nothing found from panendoscopy. All I said, in a half dazed state, was "Happy New Year's" with no tears and no real joy in my voice. I had prepared for the worse and hoped for the best.
Here I am on Friday morning writing to y'all once again. This being my way of coping with what's happening to me as well as to gain insight into what to expect. Y'all have helped me through the hard times and can share in my good news once again.
What a roller coaster ride this is. First biopsy surgery preliminary pathology results came back negative with final pathology saying "abnormal and highly suspicious for SSC" to second surgery preliminary results coming back negative. I'll get my final pathology results either today or early next week. I have my post op visit with the ENT on Tuesday.
Why do I think the doctor's are still missing something? What was it that they remove from the base of my tongue? Why am I still waiting for the shoe to drop, again? Why am I still so fearful? Why am I not my old self? Will this pass with time? I've been here before. I, like each of you, am dealing with living. I'm taking each day as a blessing and am working to make it count. "If life was ALWAYS easy ... ".
My thoughts and prayers are with each of you as your's were with me.
Steve
