I forgot to mention a key communication method Jim used...texting. He didn't text until after his surgery but quickly became as good as a teenager. That allowed him to keep in touch with our kids who were in college too. Hang in there, it really is manageable. Even though he didnt speak I feel like our communication was strong after his surgery. I'm sure you'll find it to be the same.

Dear Tammy,
These all sound like great suggestions and I'm sure you'll find out which ones work best for the both of you.

As Cheryl previously said and I have expressed the same sentiment...if one of us in our family had to have cancer, I'm glad it was me, because I didn't think I would ever be strong enough to be a caregiver. I have always been an emotional weakling, in my opinion. I remember saying that to my counselor...that I didn't think I could manage things well if the roles were reversed and she said, "You'd surprise yourself.". I think she was right, because when I think back to some of the most challenging times in my life, and there have been quite a few, I did handle things, but with lots of tears. I cry at the drop of a hat, but I also am easily amused!

I guess I shouldn't equate being outwardly emotional with being weak, just one who "wears her heart on her sleeve". You can and will do this. You will stick by and put one foot in front of the other. So will your husband. It will most likely be the most difficult thing either of you will have to experience, but eventually, you will adapt to what has become a "new normal". I realize this is all easier said than done...isn't that how life goes?!

Again, I wish for you and your husband to find the strength to face each day and new challenge. Peace to you, both.

xoxo,
Kerri

Thank you all for the encouragement. Kris is having his surgery Thursday 8th. We are having it done in the private system as I am not prepared to wait until end of April for a slot in the free public system. We do have some insurance so will manage with family's help. Kris will transfer back to the public system after 48 hours for the specialist services e.g. Swallowing/ speech therapy that he will need. This is huge salvage surgery, very scary. But, I do know we will get through this. I can't look to far ahead. Will always now be terrified for another reoccurence.
Are there any long term survivors of this surgery out there.
Tammy

Tammy and Kris:

I marked my calendar to say a special pray for Kris on the 8th. I hope that will end his recurrences and he has a speedy recovery. Let us know how he does. You are not alone in worrying about recurrences, but hopefully that will never happen again.
julieann

Hi Tammy- Will be praying for the best possible outcome for your Kris. Please feel free to send me a message if you'd like.

KATE

Hi Tammy there are survivors out there - I'm sure one will be along... Isn't Mr Ebert one? Hugs - sorry you are both going hough this. will definitely say a prayer on the 8th - and so glad you are having h surgery on your own terms, waiting until April would be a lot to ask of anyone!

Hi All,
Right at this moment kris is 6 hours into his mammoth surgery.
We had a long discussion with the 2 surgeons who are performing the surgery yesterday. They were very positive and stressed that his CT shows the tumor to be localized at the BOT again with no spread in either the head/ neck or to the lungs. They reiterated that they would not offer us this surgery if they thought he would not be a long term survivor. The surgery is so extensive as they need to ensure that all traces of the tumor are gone and that they have very clear margins.
They were very confident that kris will eat again and he will definitely speak again. Speech will take about 12 months as they do not insert the speaking valve until 6 months post surgery. They say he will be able to hold phone conversations. I'm so thrilled. Life won't be so bad after all. Yes, this is definitely life changing, but we will get there.
May this be the last time we ever have to front up to this dreadful disease.
Thank you , thank you for all the advice and encouragement,
Tammy

Tammy, Im wishing you and Kris all the very best with this surgery! I know you must be on pins and needles the whole time. Its a long road but it will be well worth it in the end. It sounds like Kris has excellent doctors caring for him with such a great prognosis.

Please keep us posted as to the progress. Best wishes!!!!

Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers today and every day going forward through this journey! Please keep us posted.

Jill

Prayers everything goes well for you and kris! Hugs and good thought coming your way.