Had an ALL CLEAR scan July 7th...Been dealing with alot of OCD issues as well as depression. I drive the nurses and my ENT team nuts most of the time, and to add to it my co-pay went up to 75 bucks. I think theyre trying to keep me away lol, but anyway, I have insisted they look in my mouth several times at a certain spot, which they have before and after the scan. They say there is no cause for concern and that the scan would have picked something up. Well, that was about 4 weeks ago, and since then the spot has gradually turned into a precise slice in my tongue on the left side where the tumor was. I want to go back and make them look at it, but I feel insane and I can almost mock my Doc's words " Yes, Nathan I see what you are talking about...It is still very pink, not ulcerated or painful or bleeding, we see no need to take a biopsy." I have watched this slice get longer, and has a good amount of depth. But, is it because I look at my tongue 50 times a day and have stretched the slice longer? Was it a scar I opened up? It is pink, and matches the rest of my tongue but literally looks like an incision. I am just going crazy, Maybe someone can calm me down before I blow another 75 bucks and give me a real list of signs to be concerned. I love you guys, and I am sorry for being away for so long. Just after battling that damned disease, the emotional wreck it has put on me, and how I see the entire world as my enemy now has me screwed up. Even after all this, I still feel uneducated on what I should and shouldnt worry about, they told me there would be changes in my mouth, but what changes should I be worried about?

Your Friend,
The Non-Stop Ranting Nate

Hi Nate, good to hear about your recovery. My dad had a sore on his tongue that refused to heal even after few months of Radiotherapy and he used to suspect that the cancer was still there. Doctors eventually gave him two options: PET/CT or biopsy. I asked him to go with PET/CT and it did not show up on PET. The spot is still clear in subsequent scans that he had till recently.

So nothing to worry, hope you are maintaining oral hygiene by rinsing mouth with bicarb/salt solution as post-RT, the normal flora is impacted due to lack of saliva. You may have onset of tooth decay so keep up with you appointment with dentist.

Some taste changes will happen and you may start liking stuff that you used to hate. You may not be able to tolerate spices, sour tastes. You may find food less salty.

Honestly speaking, life after cancer is almost a new life and you learn to live again.

Well, I saw my ENT team today...They joked as I came in, saying we justg saw you 5 weeks ago, what are you doing back so soon! Well, I really wanted to get this spot checked out that looked like a perfect cut down the side of my tongue. They looked, poked around and said it concerned them enough to do a biopsy. Here we go again, in the chair, fists clinched and then the big needle. I dont know what to think really, I have tried to get my life back in order but cant, especially after today and the emotional wreck I have already become, drugs sound like an excellent idea. I just had an ALL CLEAR scan and now this, I cant go through this again, and have already made a committment to myself that I wont go through it again. I just got into a really really good rock band and we are already having local success, I have begun my moves towards a new career and bettering my relationships. So if it is time, it is time...The worst feeling in the world is trying, succeeding, and being pulled away again.

I know most of you know me, and my psychotic ways...But I have some horrible issues, extreme depression now cursed with even more horrible thoughts. Seeking out drugs to drown the chatter and fullfill a sense of nothingness, today is just a bad milestone of what I was already preparing myself for, the reccurrence. I cant help but prepare myself for the bad news next wednsday and start thinking of ways to get my life in order and how I want my life to end. In a sick way, I would rather myself dictate how I go out and not this damn cancer. Sorry for returning as the debbie downer I am, but I broke down in the hospital today, they tried cheering me up but I am good with vibes and body language. I just see it on the doctors faces, he is usually enthusiastic but looked worried this time.

Christine, Eric, Mr. David, if you are out there...please I need your wisdom, I have just totally lost it. I love you guys, I just dont know any other reason they would have biopsied it unless they suspected it was cancer. I dont think I have the weight or strength to do this again, I am screwed up bad, tired of arguing with my councelor, I just need you guys...please.

Your Friend,
Nathan

Nate - you have to hang in there until next Wednesday and try to think of all the things that could go RIGHT instead of wrong! They probably decided on the biopsy because they knew how worried you were. You've had two CLEAR scans so that's got to count for something. To make it until Wednesday, maybe your doctor could give you something to calm down. You just cannot know for sure until you get the results of the biopsy. And your ability with vibes and reading body language could be clouded by the understandable stress you've been under. So take some deep breaths and try to do something physical. I have not had your direct experience, but I know how anxious and stressed out I was just waiting for results on tests during my son's recovery from SCC and worry over what was happening to him. I'm sending positive vibes your way and hoping for you to start feeling better soon.

PS Nate - I'm sure Christine and Eric and David will be along soon to help with some more direct experience than I have to give. So, hold things together until they do.

Nate,

I love you brotha...so I'm going to say this out of love. Be calm and let's not jump to any conclusions yet ok. Wait for the biopsy results as is our saying right?

Know that the strong are strong when they have to be, when it counts. We are both fans of MMA and we've seen it a million times, the guy that usually wins is the one that can hold on and persevere even when he's been rocked(think Frankie Edgar v gray maynard 2) that's where champions show their greatness...be that guy my friend. It's in you, you just have to choose it, power of will. Think Fort Minor Remember the Name, that song gets me going.

It's not time to glove up and step in the cage until we get the results, just know if that time comes I'm working your corner brotha.

Remember the name....

Eric

Thanks Anne and Eric, that get's me pretty pumped up. It was just a blow, even telling myself it is nothing, I am crazy and they will say what they always say " Looks healthy, Pink, we see no reason for biopsy, go home and have a beer Nathan!" And you using that analogy Eric makes me think alot deeper, I will take it as my physical/doping results havent come back yet and will have to just be anxious until that comes. I am hoping it is just them being thorough with me, and it is some kind of scarring or something. Thanks for your support guys, just a bad deja vu' kind of day for me. I am trying my best to move forward but I still feel like that bastard is watching me. I guess I can be extremely happy I am now 1 year/1 week nicotine free! So next wednsday guys, think about me.

That IS something to celebrate, Nate - one year/one week nicotine free! Yay!!!

Hi Nate:

Just wanted to chime in and let you know that I am the leader of the "Wimp" club on this Forum, so don't try to outdo me. Every time I find something new, have a biopsy, have a PET or CT scan, I go "bananas" waiting for results. I so know your feelings, and I pray what you are experiencing is not a recurrance. I, too, think your doctor is just making sure that YOU know it's not cancer and that you won't have peace until the area was biopsied. I'll be praying for good news next Wednesday. I'd say try to relax and not think about it, but HA, we both know that's a joke. I am sending prayers your way.

julieann

Hey Nate,
On Monday I see my Oral Surgeon who has done some of my previous biopsy�s.
Hope he doesn�t take a look and think we need another. I guess I am just saying that the anxiety will always be with us.
Hope yours comes back ALL CLEAR.
Congratulations on the one year nicotine free. Never be tempted to have even that one as I know that even though I am nearly 5 years out that one may turn to two then three then who knows ?
Fingers crossed for your good result.
Gabriele