Good post. There's so much incivility out in the world, to say nothing of on the web, that it's nice to find a haven from it, which this forum ought to be. So thanks for that, Susan.

That being said.... I'm all for the kidding around!

Here's something fun to say, over and over: toggle the google toolbar. (hey - maybe it'll help those of us who've had swallowing/speech issues!)

d2

Now wait just a second... This started as a great post by Susan and all you techies have ruined it with your "computer stuff"

I'm just kidding. Susan, Thanks for the post (and I am interested in how to spell check on non-mac).

Is there any way we can intice your friends into comming back to the Forum and trying it again. It just bumms me out so bad to think that someone with our cancer is missing this. Will

[quote=DonB]The Google Toolbar for IE (Internet Explorer) includes an spell checker tool listed under the 'Toolbar Options'.
[/quote]
Don, this is what I use, and it works well if I remember to use it!
It sounds like what Brian and Christine are talking about is a Mac thing.
Thanks all for the information.

And, back to the original topic:
[quote=Susan2992]
A few months ago I had recommended a newly diagnosed person with oral cancer to come to the forum. After a few posts and some not so nice comments from some long-term members, she left the forum never to return. I know others have done the same thing.

In my opinion, this is not what the forum was designed to be � it should be a welcoming and supportive place for all... please be respectful of each other and the purpose of this forum.

Thank you!
[/quote]
I think we have to be especially sensitive to "newbies" who are scared to death with the diagnosis of OC and the treatment options they read about (feelings which we all remember and understand). Those of us who have read these forums for a while, have experience with various posters' styles and personalities. We have a better understanding of what they have been through, and how they have struggled with their own individual situations. IMHO, new members need emotional support and information, and we could all do better in focusing on what the person is asking about. For example:

Brand New Member

This thread was started by Chuck, a professional trumpet player on 8/10/10. His tumor was FOM, T1N0M0, clear margins, and he was asking about radiation. Chuck made four posts in the first 24 hours and then disappeared. The thread wandered away from Chuck's concerns and developed into a "discussion" about statistics, HPV, and how competitive the music business is, continuing through 8/16; We NEVER heard from Chuck again!

He did get some good advice, but I think the overall experience could have been overwhelming. I feel we could have done a better job in questioning Chuck further and making him feel that he was the focus of the thread.

There are so many concerned, intelligent, informed folks participating here! I think we need to try and focus on the topic at hand, remembering our own stories and opinions are tangential and may not apply to the current poster's immediate concerns.

Just a Thought Friends! Thanks for starting this, Susan!

And... I remembered to spell check!

Sorry...I got cut off. Anyway, that was my reason for posting. Do you think you could reach out to them and get them back here. You know...users can be blocked and un-blocked as if they don't even exist. Their "new" forum could be a coulpe members short if they wanted it that way. I'm only asking this because if I had this forum at my disposal for a period of time and then lost it I think I would be in a room with padded walls by now. Seriously, it's helped me THAT much. Let me know if I can help. MaineWill

P.s. You know patients who write "no PEG" in their info. Well... I'm officailly one of them. The re-assuring part... The 1st member of my "team" to agree/say so was the nutritionalist.

Susan is correct! I found that I was turned off by some harsh comment's from other's & left! I still come back to read the informative post's but hesitate to post in case someone bites my head off! There are some lovely member's on this board who are kind & helpfull regardless of the other's. However, this is just my opinion.

Susan, my thanks as well for your reminder and insights. Like Roz, I found that a few members' harsh comments and judgmental attitudes discredited the mission of OCF. Compassion and respect should guide us as we support and encourage others.

I am in total agreement with Susan..(great post) and Catherine, Roz, Zenda etc.
I was able to read over Easter and not post which in hind sight was a good thing.
We need to remember how scared we were when we first joined and how we found so many compassionate, welcoming and understanding people to help us through our journey. Some new members must have been wondering what the heck was going on here

In my honest opinion it is everywhere, but over the internet we call em' keyboard warriors. I am all about peace,love and saving the animals! Fact of the matter is, some people are just down right mean. My fiancee' was accused of making me up to get out of work while I was in treatment, and when I actually picked her up from work the other day her boss actually said " Oh wow, he is actually real!". In a very sarcastic negative hateful way, just goes to show. Onward towards victory my friends!

Wow, three " actually " in a row...where is grammar check? ; p

Personal issues combined with the load of oral cancer awareness month and the record number of events we had (over 1500) have prevented me from being here much recently. I missed the last foray into the realm of intolerance and incivility. But Christine wielded the sword, perhaps a little late as it was her first exercise of deleting people's postings. Over the last decade I have had to pull more than a few arrows out of my back, but I have a thick skin and also am cognizant of my own short comings which I likely do not need to reiterate to anyone here. So I am, as a flawed individual, sometimes a bit too tolerant of stuff that I myself could have said or at least felt.

So here is my pledge on behalf of what I still believe is the best patient to patient/caregiver communication tool on the web, OCF's forum.

I have said in the past that these forums while public, are not a democracy. Somethings regardless of who posts them are just not tolerated. Ask any monitor or admin how many isp address and names are on the banned list. It is long. That being said, and the easy act of deleting anything from a post to a poster for a short time or forever, I and the other admins will reel in immediately anyone, including someone we may think of as a personal friend over the years, for stepping over the line. You have to understand how difficult this actually is, as that judgment is highly subjective to every admin. I will have a round table with the others and we will discuss how to best correct what this thread clearly shows has been a problem. I don't think we will ever please everyone, that is just not possible. But we certainly can delete any post that steps out of line, and warn the poster that the next incursion across the line is penalty box time (bans have time choices of days, weeks, to months and forever).

If someone who has been routinely helpful suddenly turns into trouble for some reason (the most common reasons have been the result of emotional stressors at home and newly prescribed opiates) the admins will communicate with them to understand the situation, and ask them to work with us directly and off the boards, as the admins were chosen for their judgement, people skills, regularity on the boards, and ability to make logical decisions about problems on the fly. There isn't an admin that wouldn't be willing to sort out the offenders problem with them, and make an appropriate judgement call, even though those interactions are everyone's least favorite way to spend time.

I recommend that anyone who feels that a particular post deserves the attention of an admin, take a second and notify one for them to look at. We can miss things, though certainly not the big fights, and we can clip/edit posts or just delete them in a second, and follow up with the poster as to why we did. The few times that I have actually had this kind a patience (the delete button is just too easy) the offending poster finally left of their own free will after finding their barbs removed repeatedly.

So if you feel something is heading south, say something to a person that can do something about it, not back to the offender which may end up escalating the issue. We will try to sort things out appropriately.

DISCLAIMER. Eric, I, and Charm - (I am the only admin in this group) are not known for our lack of candor. Blunt honesty can be our rule of the day, and many times said with something we will refer to as less than tact.... If you find that you would prefer that you do not want me or someone else to be part of the dialog on your thread say so. You aren't going to hurt any of our feelings. But that does NOT mean you will be allowed to put out bad information, or lead people down a dubious path of information OR THINKING, as the well being of posters is paramount. Correct scientific information is the basis of good judgments, and that has to prevail here.

I have seen many flame wars here on the boards, and in every one of them including the recent, there was no hard line right and wrong, but harsh statements for sure. But when it gets to name calling, it is way over the line. I think that the missed point by some, is that it escalates because BOTH sides escalate it. In this last one going back and re reading the threads, it was almost like a co-dependent relationship, one side feeding off the other. I urge you all to consider allowing the admins to stop things and not escalate something that is already inappropriate. Name calling is the last resort of someone without a legitimate argument. By then it is not repairable by anyone. Please do not be party to anything going that far.

This will board will never be perfect. But we can all work to make it better.