The mirror in the main bathroom just decided to fall off the wall after 13 years. No one was hurt heck, no one was in the bathroom when it fell. It just went to pieces and so did I. I cried the entire time I picked up the mirror. Bob held me for the first time in such a long time. I just really hate life right now. I will be fine, I just needed to vent.


Deb

Deb - Having someone you love hold you, when it's been a long time since it happened is a good thing. A really, really good thing. And having a good cry is good, too. It helps to wash away some of the pent up stress that caregivers have a way of holding inside until some more opportune time which never seems to come. I'm glad you vented and that you came here. So, I would say that mirror that fell off the wall, did it at just the right time. Kudos to the mirror. And give Bob a hug, for being there and holding you at just the right time. Your are right, - You will be fine.

Thank you for posting, both of you. I also had a mini meltdown, crying session today because I too just needed to be held - it has also been soooo long and even when I asked for a hug - I was ignored. I know my husband loves me but it is like he has shut down emotionally and I miss him. We went to Mayo this week and he was given an all clear PET/CT and I thought he would be happy but he hasn't been. Almost angier. Deb, you are at the hardest time right now, the weeks right after radiation were the most difficult that I remember of this journey. Hang in there and know you are not alone with your feelings, I guess they are the new "normal". Take care.

Anne-Marie & Karenj,

Thank you both for those kind words. Karenj,Bob has also shut down emotionally. I was so shocked when he held me and said don't cry. It was the first time I felt like he cared in quite a few months. It is funny to think that the falling of a mirror could make me feel like Bob cares. I know Bob is a hard man,with a soft side for me. I told him you don't have to be nice to anyone, but you will be kind to me. Can't wait for the healing to really start.


Deb

Oh Deb and Karen. I've been there and no how you both feel. Crying is the best thing. It helped me. Just when I thought I would break I would cry, then be able to tackle another moment in another day. Venting here on ocf kept my sanity as well. You will both get through this and come out the other side. Battle scared and bruised but better as a person in so many ways. Hang in there girls.

Oh my girls.Still battling on so bravely.My heart is with you all and i feel for you.Keep the faith and tradition of us OCF carers and you will get there.


PS i must admit i am thoroughly enjoying a life filled with cuddles and love and it is certainly good for a troubled soul.xx

Liz - so good to hear about your new wonderful life. You certainly deserve all the cuddles and love coming your way!

This one sure struck a chord. I see what all of you have gone through or are going through and I wonder if I will ever be as strong as you ladies.

When we start out building a future with the love of our life, joy makes us feel like we can do anything. We have boundless energy and we think we can make everything better just by loving someone. When life happens, it hurts to lose that joy, it's scary to lose that invincibility. We love and we hurt and we feel helpless. I remember when I couldn't stop thinking of him. Time passed and life changed and came between us. Still,I find myself worried about his situation all the time. He's distant and angry, but I can't stop caring. I don't know if it's history, enertia, or love. Sometimes I wonder if I can do this without the partnership, the passion, the kindness. I've tried to walk away but I can't.

I've had the "mirror break" on me and I know how that feels...my heart is with all of you. J and I still don't even have a definitive diagnosis. If J has cancer, I'll always be there for him. I just don't know if he'll be there for me. Thank goodness for OCF and for all of you who share what it's like to be caregivers. I pray that things will change. But, if they don't, I know I have you and other friends through OCF. I am blessed that, if nothing else, I will be understood.

Sandy
My relationship with robin was a troubled one for many years before he became sick.His world revolved around work and alcohol and i was just on the periphery.For a while we lived apart,but somehow somewhere i still laboured under the misapprehension that all it would take was the love i could give him and all would be well.It wasn't enough and sadly it never would have been,but thank god i had enough love for him to stay by his side throughout his short and traumatic experience with cancer.It tested me to my limits and he pushed me beyond belief,but the love of my OCF family and the ability to write and blog were the only thing that pulled me through it all.

Dont expect him to be there for you Sandy,he wont be.If you think he has treated you harshly before then be prepared for worse.Verbal abuse ,blaming you,criticising everything you do oh its bloody hard and then it gets worse.For the lucky ones this will pass and maybe,just maybe you will get back on track,but all too often what you can excuse through illness becomes untenable in the aftermath,and lines need to be drawn.

Just know that if things are bad before ,it will not get better and you will be in the firing line full time.
There are plenty of us old war casualties about to help you through some who were lucky enough to get their lives back,but also a good few who didnt make it,or wouldn't have made it if the outcome had been different.

For four years i have buried myself in battling and fighting against anything and everything i could find to vindicate robins death and stop the pain of my loss,but i think some of that was to give my life a focus that was missing after he died.I hate this disease with a passion and will do anything i can to stop anyone suffering like Robin did and i always will.
But i also focus on the wives/partners whose lives are ripped apart as well.They need all our help and experiences good and bad to help them try to cope with the life of a carer,particularly with someone who doesn't want to be cared for.

Hi Liz, You so understand my position because you lived it yourself. You are right about how it is and how it will be with J and me. You also know the torture of not being able to walk away. Thank you for being there for me and for helping me prepare. You are absolutely right about having boundaries. I will have to remember them and not allow him to use his illness as an excuse to treat me meanly.

Love you, Liz!