#13123 12-12-2007 01:29 PM | Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 735 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | OP  "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 735 | Ok all ..I am in a quandry ..sort of.
My 14 year old daughter told me yesterday on the way to cheerleading practice , That her Best Friends dad may have throat cancer..
I am sure you all knew my reaction , and the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach . I told Kay to tell her friend that we knew some GOOD Dr's and that If he wants to talk I am here and will do what I can . He is a divorced dad, so I just figured I could be someone he could talk to because I understand.
SHe is LIKE NO WAY ......I am NOT saying anything .. I guess that his daughter overheard him and isnt supose to know anything at this point. And I just tried to get Kayla to tell her about the Drs andeven if she dosent tell her dad Yet. I don't know much, I don't know if he had a biopsy yet or why they think it . I know he smokes and drinks , Kayla says that is why he has it . I explained it could very well be , and maybe he dosen't and only a biopsy will tell , and that I had cancer and didnt do either.
I guess my dilema is ..WHAT DO I DO >.. do I mind my own business, and wait until it is more public . I mean his daughter isn't supose to know. But I want him to go to GOOD Drs or a CCC or somthing. We live in a small town and in our county and the 2 surrounding not alot deal with this .. I KNOW THAT !!!! You have to drive atleast an Hour. I am not close to him , we speak in passing .......BUt I just feel so obligated ..our daughters are BEST FRIENDS !! and He spends alot of time with my daughter ....
What do I do ?
Sharlee
35 year old Female Non smoker, very occasional alcohol ..Scc T1N0M0,partial glossectomy and left neck disection ,2/9/07 No rad deemed ness. 4/16 tonsillectomy ..Trimengenial Neuralga due to surgery
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#13124 12-12-2007 01:47 PM | Joined: Apr 2007 Posts: 794 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Apr 2007 Posts: 794 | what would happen if he found out his daughter knew?
Donna
CG to Mom, dx 4/25/07 with tongue cancer,T3N0,tx began 7/6/07, 31 tx's of IMRT, 8 cycles of Erbitux. Brachytherapy, surgery, left neck dissection and temp trach placed all on 9/17/07, trach removed 10/17/07. ORN of jaw, late effect of radiation symptoms. **lost my beautiful mother on 5/5/11.
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#13125 12-12-2007 02:08 PM | Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 735 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | OP "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 735 | I don't know. That is why I am soo torn . I just got back from picking Kayla and Kristen up from Xmas carolling with the school and dropped Kristen off home....But I didn't even say anything to her .. I didn't know what to do .
I asked Kay more and she said Kristen heard her dad on the phone talking about how the Dr found somthing in his throat and it could be cancer.
Sharlee
35 year old Female Non smoker, very occasional alcohol ..Scc T1N0M0,partial glossectomy and left neck disection ,2/9/07 No rad deemed ness. 4/16 tonsillectomy ..Trimengenial Neuralga due to surgery
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#13126 12-12-2007 04:24 PM | Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,219 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,219 | Sharlee,
This is a tough one. Do you have any idea whether her father knows anything about your history? I assume that she does know.
I think you have to speak with his daughter and try to convince her that it is very important that you speak with her father. She has to understand that you want to help her father and that he will understand that she was looking out for his best interest by telling you. She probably feels somewhat guilty about hearing something that she wasn't supposed to hear, but it wasn't like she was eavesdropping.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
Jerry
Jerry
Retired Dentist, 59 years old at diagnosis. SCC of the left lateral border of the tongue (Stage I). Partial glossectomy and 30 nodes removed, 4/6/05. Nodes all clear. No chemo no radiation 18 year survivor.
"Whatever doesn't kill me, makes me stronger"
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#13127 12-12-2007 08:15 PM | Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 | I agree with Jerry - talking to the daughter would be a good idea. She is probably feeling really worried about her Dad and at her young age, that's a terrible responsibility to carry alone and without knowing the whole story or whether he's even had a biopsy. She's probably thinking the worst and might really feel a lot better after talking with you, especially if you can point out some positive things and offer to talk with her Dad and let her know that you are there for her and she is not alone.
Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)
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#13128 12-13-2007 12:03 PM | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 | Sharlee,
I would encourage the daughter to tell her father that she overheard him and she needs to talk to him and be a part of whatever this is. It may very well be his life at stake and now is not the time to be sensitive.
David
Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
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