Anne-Marie...thanks so much for your kind words.....it is very painful to have to hear what dad is going through and not being able to do anything....I assume when the time comes we will just call Hospice..or 911....I didnt realize how prevalent oral cancer is until I read these posts..people should be more aware of it...seeing your son at only 33.....and so glad to see he is cancer free!! Dad seems to have come out of his depression after a visit from the family members and seemed pretty much his old self on the phone today...he had said he had gone outside for a while....and then his earache drove him back inside....Thanks to all for your kindness!!
Wanda

Wanda, it's good your Dad seems to have had a small reprieve from the pain and depression. It does help to have visits from family and be able to think about something else even for just a little while. I just wonder if during his better feeling moments, he might be able to more easily accept a suggestion about getting checked out with the doctor to make sure there isn't something that could be done to alleviate his discomfort as well as make it easier for his family to help him?

Well I really dont think he is accepting to any suggestions cause my aunt told me she mentioned it and "got what for" so I doubt it ...but yes a good thought......thanks

My dad is now staying in bed more and more.....he just had a recent episode of nausea and profuse sweating...does anyone know if this is a symptom of the cancer or maybe just has a bug or something....he complains of both his ears hurting all the time...thanks for any information!! My brother and family are going to visit for a few days...he expressed an interest in seeing his youngest grandchildren....but not sure he will be able to stand the visit! thanks to all...you are all in my thoughts and prayers and fighter and survivors and caregivers!!

Wanda - It really would be important to get your Dad to a cancer center to at least find out what is happening with him and help him to take care of the pain he is having. Maybe when your brother comes, you might show him or tell him what others have suggested above and see if your Dad could be persuaded to see a doctor? Does he have a family doctor that could recommend something for the pain, at least until your Dad gets checked out at a cancer center? I do hope something can be done so that you and the rest of the family can know one way or another how best to help your Dad. He is lucky to have such a caring daughter and family.

Without treatment his episodes are only going to get worse. If it was a relative of mine, I would make an appointment for them. Then get them into a car probably under false pretenses. Drive to the appointment, probably saying it was for me and they would be more comfortable waiting in the waiting room. Then spring it on them, surprise! Thats just what I would do with a person who refuses to get help and is seriously ill.

All I can say is what I already told you a month ago. Same thing everybody else is telling you. Get him to a cancer center. He obviously needs help. If he doesnt get help he isnt going to make it. Im sorry to sound so stern. I know you are trying and he is stubborn. In my world, giving up isnt an option.

Best wishes!

Thanks for the responses...I know you are sounding stern..as I am too...but he is yet refusing....it is so hard not knowing what this new episode means....Giving up isnt an option for me either but I cant make him go....will see what happens when my brother gets there...I am just afraid that he will be taken out by ambulance..or worse...Thanks to all for the support!!

Wanda - Christine just gave you some very good and explicit how-to suggestions to get your Dad some help. So what would you rather do?

1) Having him get mad at you? And saving his life? Or -
2) Watching his suffering worsen, and possibly die without the comfort available to him?

If he gets mad at you, there is not much he can do to you in his weakened condition and if he starts feeling better, I'm sure he would be grateful to you or to anyone that could lessen the pain he is going through now.

During the worse of my son's Tx, when he was refusing to eat, he was very, very weak. I had to tell him I was calling my daughter who is a police officer (with a gun and handcuffs) and that together we would push him into the car and get him to the hospital to have a feeding tube installed. That did it. He started eating.

Sometimes you have to be firm with someone too ill to make rational decisions for themselves. If it takes a little bit of trickery to get him some help, it's ok.

Just DO it!

Anne Marie.....I understand what you are saying but we have been doing ALL this for FIVE years....to no avail....I cant save his life at this point and I did go for grief counseling yesterday and she advised me that this is his life, his private death and to let him do it his way.....we tried trickery and threats and crying and bullying....it is past the point...I just want him to be comfortable in his mind and soul right now and he seems to be that whether he is in pain or not! thanks for the great advise!
Wanda

All three of us kids are feeling the guilts of not getting him to go to a dr but as I said this has been his choice....new development .....my brother is with him now and the dizziness continues....but he told me the smell has changed to a chlorine smell...anyone have any thoughts on that? we are just "trying" to guess when he will die and of what...sad to say...thanks for all the support on the board...
Wanda