I just found this board desperate to find some answers...my father has had a lump on his bottom lip for 6 years...it has increased in size.(no dont bother asking why he hasnt seen a Dr) this tumor is now the size of a child's fist and is bleeding and oozing....we have begged, pleaded and cried for him to see a dr for years...he is 87....and now I am sure it is too late...he lives 8 hrs away from me ....so I guess if anyone could answer any questions like any idea how long he could live with this, how it could actually kill him, etc...He is sleeping more now and complains of an ear ache all the time and the smell is unbelievable.....my 85 year old mother is sitting by while he is dying and wont do anything about it...any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Usually if this lump were a cancer from the beginning then he would have passed away long ago, 5 years ago give or take. Now if for some reason this has just become cancerous then without treatment it can progress very quickly. I'm not a doc and without perhaps a ENT seeing this no one can diagnose this on this or any other site. I will say that the terminal patients that have expressed themselves like you describe with the bleeding, oozing and smell don't last too much longer but they also are in a tremendous amount of pain and typically under Hospice care so a lot of things puzzle me about what you describe. Why don't you call 911 and at least a paramedic will look at it and maybe they can convince him to go to the hospital with them.

Thank you David....he is in a lot of pain but refuses to see anyone.....he is the old school of.....I dont need a Dr....he realizes now that he has waited too long...and I do believe him to be in end stage but was curious as to what would actually "kill" him...his nasal passages are collapsing...I was dxed at the same time with basal cell on my upper lip and encouraged him to go but no luck....so we just stopped trying cause he would get angry...he is very stoic...We just dont talk about it anymore ....he complains of an ear ache all the time so I fear it is all in his head...although he seems very lucid....thanks so much for the information....I believe it to be squamus (sp) cell the way it presented and then moved to his nose...anyinformation would be greatly appreciated

Please try take him to a cancer center. You dont know if its too late or not. I know you are far away. If you would go visit do you think you could face to face convince him to go to the hospital? One symptom of oral cancer is an ear ache. Im sure you have done your best. I wish he would see that his family loves him so much they dont want to see him hurting. I dont have any info to help you, only to take him to a cancer center. Only there will they be able to tell if he has cancer and to attempt to heal him. At this point, hospice might be the only avenue there is. I guess you cant force medical care upon someone. I wish you all the best with your father.

Thanks so much! No he wouldnt go if I go visit him.....he is doing this his own way...that is the problem that we dont know where he is at with things and all of us kids are scattered all over at least 8 hrs away..we all..including grandchildren have told him years ago it wasnt fair to us that we loved him so much that we wanted him to be around a long time..no unfortunately we have found that you cant force medical attention on anyone....when he gets to the point where he is in the bed all the time I will try to get someone from hospice to come in.....he would be mortified......I appreciate you answering and the best to you Christine!

I'm so sorry to read this. If it would help I'd be happy to call him. Maybe coming from a stranger who's been through something similar he might change his mind. Anyway, just a thought. I'm sure any of the rest of us would do the same.

Keep us posted. I know this must be agony for you. PM me if you'd like.

David 2

David Thanks so much for the offer...it takes all his energy now to talk to his children on the phone.....but what a wonderful thought!
I am deeply greatful.....and I will post...my aunts went to visit him last night and said that he cried the whole visit...he had been unable to shave because of the pain but he shaved for their visit! I was so proud of him to be so strong and so sad to hear he cried...I have never seen him cry even when he lost his first son and his mother and dad...yes it is agony...I want to go to him..My best to you David!!

Man oh man that makes me sad to read. My own father became stubborn toward the end, not of cancer, but the emotions are the same. Is there any way someone closer to his location could call a doctor and get him a prescription for something for the pain? Even if he won't go himself?

I'm thinking of you.
David

I know I cant tell you how sad I am....it's so hard ...and he wont complain....thank you David....Mother has a precription for Hydrocodone...but I doubt he would take it.....I have suggested it....he says he takes aspirin...relatives that have recently visited told me the smell is awful and think it is infected too....not sure if this would be the cancer smell or something else.....it is not like anything I have smelled before and I went through with my mother in law dying of bile duct cancer..that smell of ketosis...It is extra hard not knowing how close he is to dying...no way of knowing since he hasnt been diagnosed....thanks so much for your thoughts...greatly appreciated!
Wanda

Wanda - I'm so sorry for what your father is having to go through. It must be so painful for you and all your family seeing him suffer this way. Being in the situation he is must make it even more difficult for him to make the decisions that might be able to help ease his pain. Sometimes, when suggestions come from a non-family member, it is easier to accept and I can't help feeling that maybe Davidcpa's suggestion of calling 911 for a paramedic to do the convincing is a good one. Take care and keep us updated on how you and your family are doing.