Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,357
Likes: 5
"OCF Canuck"
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
OP Offline
"OCF Canuck"
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,357
Likes: 5
I had sent this to a friend who encouraged me to post it on the General Board. I HESITATE to as I fear that the fact that I am still a basket case after almost seven years post first dx is beneath what I expect of myself, and I fear that I will frighten newer members. But, as mentioned - perhaps they need to know that 1) You CAN STILL BE HERE after 7 years and that 2) Survival and continual worry is part of the deal....

The essence of my message was: Well, I am again a basket case. I'm busy planning my last days on earth because I found a lump on my neck - right side. Wierd hard little lump. That, combined with the various issues I have had in my mouth in the last two months have me in full blown "catastrophic thinking". And, yes I know its not cancer till they say it is, etc, etc........and all the other platitudes we use to help other people, my gut is still clenched, my breathing is shallow and fear reigns supreme.

Amazing eh? 7 years of this SHIT. 7 years of fear. And the truly sad thing is I am just as afraid now as I was 7 years ago. I know I should be grateful but right now I'm not grateful for a damned thing.......I'm frightened and grumpy. My family and friends are so done with talking about all these recurrant fears and episodes.

I have called my surgeon CT Monday night, see surgeon on Weds so will have a better idea of what is going on then. I pray for nothing, pray I am a whiny wench for nothing......but somehow I try to prepare myself for the worst. Does that make me a pessimist??

I will keep you all UTD

Donna

Last edited by Pandora99; 02-12-2011 10:15 AM.

Donna,69, SCC L Tongue T2N1MO Stg IV 4/04 w/partial gloss;32 radtx; T2N2M0 Stg IV; R tongue-2nd partial gloss w/graft 10/07; 30 radtx/2 cispl 2/08. 3rd Oral Cancer surgery 1/22 - Stage 1. 2022 surgery eliminated swallowing and bottom left jaw. Now a “Tubie for Life”.no food envy - Thank God! Surviving isn't easy!!!! .Proudly Canadian - YES, UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE IS WONDERFUL! (Not perfect but definitely WONDERFUL)
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 3,082
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Offline
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 3,082
Hi Donna

Winter weather always depresses us. But spring is on the way. Take a look at Eric's thread on the Friends forum
somedays
Perhaps a little silliness will help. There's a lot of wisdom in Dr Seuss' Oh! the places You'll Go that applies to you and I
[quote]And when things start to happen, don�t worry. Don�t stew. Just go right along. You�ll start happening too.
Oh! The Places You�ll Go!
You�ll be on your way up!
You�ll be seeing great sights!

Except when you don�t.
Because, sometimes, you won�t.
I�m sorry to say so but, sadly, it�s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You�ll be left in a Lurch.
You�ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you�ll be in a Slump.

And when you�re in a Slump, you�re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they�re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right�or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it�s not, I�m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you�ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place�for people just waiting.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That�s not for you!
Somehow you�ll escape all that waiting and staying. You�ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you�ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you�re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you�ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
Except when they don�t. Because, sometimes, they won�t.

I�m afraid that some times you�ll play lonely games too. Games you can�t win �cause you�ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you�ll be quite a lot.

And when you�re alone, there�s a very good chance you�ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won�t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you�ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You�ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You�ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life�s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and � percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you�ll move mountains!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So�get on your way!
[/quote]


65 yr Old Frack
Stage IV BOT T3N2M0 HPV 16+
2007:72GY IMRT(40) 8 ERBITUX No PEG
2008:CANCER BACK Salvage Surgery
25GY-CyberKnife(5) 3 Carboplatin
Apaghia /G button
2012: CANCER BACK -left tonsilar fossa
40GY-CyberKnife(5) 3 Carboplatin

Passed away 4-29-13
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 10,507
Likes: 7
Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Offline
Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 10,507
Likes: 7
My dear friend Donna!!! How I wish I could make all your fears disappear. Im so sorry that you are struggling right now. I wish with all my heart and soul that there is nothing wrong but a troubled minds playing its tricks. Im glad you have posted this. Its not good to keep it all bottled up inside. We get you!!! Every single one of us fellow cancer patients know your fears all too well. Please do not forget how many true friends you have here.

I will keep you in my prayers. Be well!!!!


Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 1,244
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Offline
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 1,244
Donna

Pity you don't live nearer, we could panic together, I'm getting food stuck behind my graft and have a constant sore throat..

Desperately need the MRI scan results..

I wonder when we are 90 will we still be worrying.

Stay strong Lady


SCC Base of tongue, (TISN0M0) laser surgery, 10/01 and 05/03 no clear margins. Radial free flap graft to tonsil pillar, partial glossectomy, left neck dissection 08/04
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 1,412
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Offline
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 1,412
Donna,
I am so glad you posted this. We are all here for you. As we talked, I told you I was going to talk with my PA at HBO. I am in the fear game with you again. She looked at the gum area without even a flashlight, and said, "yep, that is an ulcer." We will have the Dr. look at it on Monday" She also said that I may want to see my ENT earlier than March 1st. So not what I wanted to here. I am doing HBO through the weekdn because of missing so much due to a new four letter word called SNOW. That is not longer a good word for me. We had over 30 inches of snow in a week and -28 degree temps. We are not thawing out, thankfully. Oklahoma has never seen this much snow in such a short time.


Angelia
31 at Dx.
DX: 4/30/09, 10/21/09 SCC on floor of mouth,
T1NOMO, T2N1M0
TX: 39 IMRT, 8 cisplatin 11/30/09
PET/CT: 11/03/09: Lymph node involvement
PEG/PORT: 11/09
TX end: 02/01/10
PET Scan: 04/05/10 clear
PEG Out: 06/21/10
Biopsy: 12/23/10: fibrosis
HBO: 01/04/11 - ORN
Baby girl born 11-30-12
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,301
"OCF Down Under"
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Offline
"OCF Down Under"
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,301
I also hope it turns out to be nothing Donna.
We all understand how scary it is when we discover something that should and was not there before.
At least if you cannot be frightened and grumpy with family and friends you can be with all your OCF family who are here for you.
Best wishes for a �nothing� on Wednesday but in the meantime a big {{{{hug}}}}
Love
Gabriele





History Leukoplakia bx 8/2006 SCC floor mouth T3N0M0- Verrucous Carcinoma.
14 hour 0p SCC-Right ND/excision/marginal mandibulectomy 9/2006, 4 teeth removed, flap from wrist, trach-ng 6 days- no chemo/rad.
6 ops and debulking (flap/tongue join) + bx's 2006-2012.
bx Jan 2012 Hyperkeratosis-Epithelial Dysplasia
24cm GIST tumour removed 8/2013. Indefinite Oral Chemo.

1/31/16 passed away peacefully surrounded by family

Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 63
"OCF Down Under"
Supporting Member (50+ posts)
Offline
"OCF Down Under"
Supporting Member (50+ posts)

Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 63
Hi Donna

Just wanted to let you know that I am praying your little lump turns out to be nothing. Cancer sucks..and it sucks big time! I am going through this horrible cycle of fear and anxiety and as my surgery is tomorrow, my grumpiness has accelerated! All I can say is hang in there and know you are supported by so many wonderful people on this forum...God bless.

Liza


SCC of the Buccal Mucosa (R cheek)- T1N0M0.10 hour Surgery on 27/9/10 involving resection with freeflap from radial forearm..clear margins. Neck dissection..negative nodes.Trachy, NGT, no rad or chemo needed at the time. Neck lump positive for SCC..again! MND 14/2/11. Waiting to have chemo and rads
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,357
Likes: 5
"OCF Canuck"
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
OP Offline
"OCF Canuck"
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,357
Likes: 5
Well I studied for my test, had it (CT Scan) and whatever it is, or isn't is what it will be! Does anyone else ever get this wierd "there - I've done my best now I can relax - the die has been cast" type of feeling after they have a CT/PET?

Someone please say yes!! LOL

Donna


Donna,69, SCC L Tongue T2N1MO Stg IV 4/04 w/partial gloss;32 radtx; T2N2M0 Stg IV; R tongue-2nd partial gloss w/graft 10/07; 30 radtx/2 cispl 2/08. 3rd Oral Cancer surgery 1/22 - Stage 1. 2022 surgery eliminated swallowing and bottom left jaw. Now a “Tubie for Life”.no food envy - Thank God! Surviving isn't easy!!!! .Proudly Canadian - YES, UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE IS WONDERFUL! (Not perfect but definitely WONDERFUL)
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 1,412
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Offline
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 1,412
Yes, and then the strees until you get the results. UGH


Angelia
31 at Dx.
DX: 4/30/09, 10/21/09 SCC on floor of mouth,
T1NOMO, T2N1M0
TX: 39 IMRT, 8 cisplatin 11/30/09
PET/CT: 11/03/09: Lymph node involvement
PEG/PORT: 11/09
TX end: 02/01/10
PET Scan: 04/05/10 clear
PEG Out: 06/21/10
Biopsy: 12/23/10: fibrosis
HBO: 01/04/11 - ORN
Baby girl born 11-30-12
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,671
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Offline
Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,671
Yes, Donna - you have done your best. Wednesday you will see your surgeon and you will take another step on the survival road. You will be doing something to help YOU! Time now to take a really deep breath, thinking only of the breath and how it feels coming in and then blow it out forcefully through your mouth. Do this 10 times, thinking only of the action of the breathing. DON'T let other thoughts crowd your mind. If the dark thoughts do threaten to attack, force them out again! And start over. You deserve some peaceful moments even if for just a few seconds. I am glad you shared this with us. Anything troubling and shared is lessened in its intensity. Just as when good stuff is shared, it is increased in the joy produced. If the above doesn't quite do it, then eat some chocolate or get a shot of brandy. You've already prepared for the worst, now prepare for the best. And please get back to us soon.


Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)



Page 1 of 3 1 2 3

Link Copied to Clipboard
Top Posters
ChristineB 10,507
davidcpa 8,311
Cheryld 5,260
EzJim 5,260
Brian Hill 4,916
Newest Members
chet51, David ATX, K26, Chicoliving, Tash1916
13,231 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums23
Topics18,210
Posts197,045
Members13,231
Most Online614
Jul 29th, 2024
OCF Awards

Great Nonprofit OCF 2023 Charity Navigator OCF Guidestar Charity OCF

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5