Well I haven't been in here since March when I had my first round of treatment for squamous cell cancer of the tongue. I finished 30 radiation treatments at the end of May and thought all this crap was behind me so I decided to buy a house and get on with life. On July 7th I had a routine follow up appointment with my oral surgeon and he found a "suspicious" spot in the original tumor site. 2 days before my house closed I was told that he didn't get the cancer and the tumor was still there. I asked him if I was going to die and he didn't say no, just that there was nothing left that he could do for me and that I would need to go to Seattle and be treated by a surgeon that i refer to as the Rock Star. Dr. Neil Futran and his team at the University of washington excised the cancer and then did a skin graft from my forearm and built me a new one. I am still recovering. I have had a difficult time with infections in my feeding tube and am as I write this on home infusion antibiotics hoping to clear up this painful condition. This sure has been a lonely journey for me. I'm glad you guys are here!

Hi Lisa, so sorry you have had this experience, but so glad that you saw the Rock Star and got the surgery you needed. Will keep you in my prayers and hope for a speedy recovery.

Lisa,
I'm so sorry you had to go through all the additional surgery. Hopefully they got it all this time. Don't forget we are here to offer support. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Oh Lisa, I am so sorry you have gone thru so much. I know you are by yourself. I knew of your recurrence and hoped that it was taken care of. I havent seen you write much on FB either and hoad hoped you were just too busy.

Please dont forget that OCF is here to support you. There are so many who have undergone similar surgeries and understand what you are going thru. I had to have the IV antibiotics for 8 months. What a pain!!! I also have a feeding tube, luckily no infections. I am familiar with all the hassles a feeding tube can bring with it. Please take care of yourself the very best that you can. Never forget that you are not alone, OCF is here 24/7. Its ok to lean on us, we are here for you.

Best wishes for a better new year!

Lisa:

You sure have been through it, haven't you. Now it's time to get well - dad-gum-it! So there. You do have a prayer from me that all will be fine. Please keep us informed - there are so many people on this Forum that can help you answer questions and suggest things to do to help when something happens.
julieann

Hi, Lisa,

I am so sorry that you have had a recurrence. Geez, what more can be thrown at you, right? It is good that you posted here so that we can support you as you deal with this next phase. You are not alone. Keep posting.

I have heard great things said about Dr. Neil Futran from others on this site. You certainly are in good hands. Sending you healing thoughts.

All my best-
Anita

Well- All my Facebook friends know, but for everyone else, I was told early last week that my final (HA!) PET scan showed just some residual hot spots and my surgeon did a thorough exam and declared that all of the tissue looked viable and healthy except a little spot in my neck that he felt was just lymph fluid. Being the paranoid that I have become, I insisted on a needle biopsy and ultrasound which he completed in the office. He told me confidently that he was absolutely certain that he was not looking at cancer and that I could consider myself in remission.

Guess what? Labs came back Monday full of metatastic squamous cells. So much for remission. After the news I went to social security to apply for disability because I have been so lame at work that I just don't know how much more patience they are gonna have with me, so i figure I better get on the ball and get that rolling so I can have some benefits if it turns out this thing is gonna kill me. For you see, at this point I have very little hope that I will win this war. I have had no hope of that since the first recurrence. I feel this cancer wants to kill me.

Off I go again to Seattle on the 24th of January, and I will be having this surgery alone with no one around because my family has had a vacation planned for a year to Mexico during this time, and I have insisted that they keep their plans so that they can have a break from this stuff, as they deserve and need some rest from all of this.

I will be staying at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance House from the 22nd of January until surgery, then I will likely return there for at least a day to get my flight plans home set up.

I laid in bed for one whole day feeling sorry for myself and got that out of my system, but the despair is pretty deep this time, the will to fight is much deminished and I don't have the same sense of humor about this anymore. I wonder if I will be in hospice for my 41st birthday.

So if anyone has had this damn cancer pop up every 3 months like I have and lived to be cancer free, please tell me its possible. I need all the hope I can get.

Lisa, I am so sorry!!! I did already post on your FB wall. You have so many good people there who are rooting for you. Please do not give up your will. You can do this. I have had oral cancer 3 times and Im still here. I went thru oral cancer 3 times in 3 years, so I know how you feel. I really didnt think I was going to get thru this last round. Now Im 16 months cancer free. If I can do it than you can too!!!!

I was feeling great, not sick at all when I found out I was Stage IV. I had gone on a 25 mile bike ride with my son the day before I was told I had cancer again. It completly took me by surprise. Ive been exactly where you are and know how upset you must be. If anybody deserves to take a day to feel sorry for themselves its you. I had a meltdown too when I found out I was sick again.

Now is the time to get all your priorities in order, so you dont have to worry later. Glad to see you went to apply for SSD. You should get it without a problem. They are sticklers for having all your medical info sent in.

I wish you had a friend that would be able to go along with you. Ive had surgeries where Ive gone by myself and its scary. Its always easier mentally when you have someone there to keep you company.

This can be done!!!! Never give up!!!!

Lisa,

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I know exactly how you feel, alone. My family was so in denial it was just another day to them. I remember telling my Mom (87) I have cancer the only thing she said to me through it all, who told you that? All our phone calls were about her and her ailments. Two of my friends were there for me through it all. You may think your friends aren't there for you, if you asked one to help you out I'm sure they would.

Do what you have to do to live, never give up. How do think your parents would feel if you gave up, not good they already lost one child they don't want to lose you. So far I've had cancer once, but who knows what tomorrow will bring. If it came back I'd probably feel the same as you until I got my senses back. Yes, I'd vent, rant like a mad woman then I'd pick up the pieces and move on.

Keep us posted we're pulling for you.

Connie

Thanks guys, I'm trying to get rid of the shitty downer attitude. I haven't told any of my friends yet because the last they all heard was "Merry Christmas I am in remission". I am sick and tired of having to break more bad news and am sure that people are getting really sick of my drama, so I am going to keep this to myself until after the holidays are over. I have some good friends but I can see a few of them pulling away from me out of fear that I'm going to die. People don't know how to handle this stuff, and frankly I dont either. I'm just glad you guys are here, thanks so much for your support, I hope i can do the same.