OMG, that is just heartbreaking to hear how he is treating you and how the other caretakers are being treated. I can't imagine. Maybe they need to have a taste of being left to their own to talk to the walls like myself and others. My daughter was a great caregiver during my treatment, but as soon as I was done she was off with her life. And I don't blame her.

I know my family loves me but they don't want to be saddled with my problems either. As an example, we went to a basketball game today. My sister was complaining she should be doing Christmas shopping instead of being at the game. I said, because it's true, that the only reason I had mine done was because I tried to get something each time I was out for a doctor's visit or something because I didn't know if I would be here for Christmas. They immediately shut me off telling me not to talk like that. In other words, don't put a cloud on their happy lives like a Debbie Downer.

Your boyfriends, husbands, sons, sisters, whatever, should be so fortunate to have a person trying to care for them. I just feel terrible that you are being abused. And I don't blame you for being scared CM. He will probably be a terror when he's let out. Dang - don't even know what to tell you. What a shame.

Stand firm, don't waiver, you did the right thing. You must care for yourself first. If you don't you won't be able to care for your children or him.

CM - I agree with Gerri - You certainly did the right thing and you MUST take care of yourself. I don't have experience as CG to a husband, but my ex-husband was an alcoholic and there were many times when I had to rush out of the house with 3 children and find a safe place to stay. I didn't have relatives or friends that I could call on (I was always too ashamed to let anyone know how we were being treated) and I usually ended up at a motel until the "storm" of his alcoholic wrath passed. You have to take practical steps, even if his "good side" has returned. If it has returned tomorrow, make sure you extract a promise in front of others that there will be NO guns. Make sure you have a bag packed with clothes or necessities in it in case you have to leave in a hurry. Hide the check book, get your own checking account, find a secret place for any cash you can put aside, extra keys, etc. Check with the doctor to see if perhaps his meds may be affecting his mood. Some meds do bring on depression or suicidal thoughts. And cancer can certainly make anyone depressed or angry. But most important are the steps you take to keep you and your children safe. I hope that tomorrow turns out safe and well for you and everyone in your family. Please let us know how it goes.

Make sure that EVERYONE involved from the Judge on down knows what you know. Hopefully the Judge can hold him over and refer him for a psych exam. Call the police today and see what influence you can have in this short time frame.

Killing himself is one thing but killing innocent people around him is quite another.

Monday the judge will probably order a Mental Health exam and hopefully a committment. It is important to remember that this is not something you did TO him, it is something he has done to himself by the choices that he has made. Sometimes people need a committment before they are willing to seek help.

Sharon

Im sorry to read about how things snowballed into a huge mess yesterday. Most important thing is that everyone is safe. Wishing you good luck tomorrow. I hope that your husband comes to his senses and realizes what he has done. He must be suffering so much as Im sure you are as well. May your family find peace and the ability to move past this.

CM, Thank God he went jail and didn't do serious harm to you or your family. Hopefully the judge ordered the psych exam. I am also wondering at this point if his head has been scanned? Is it possible that the cancer has made it way to the brain? The meds could contribute to the mood swings and irrational thoughts as well as drinking alcohol. Both Wheels and Ann-Marie are spot on.

Another possiblity is that Matt has resigned himself to a death of this cancer and the anger is part of his grief. And fear is very very often displayed by anger. If he comes home, perhaps remembering that his anger is just part of his coping, you can avoid taking things personally and just offer understanding. That said, your safety and the saftey of your children are priority one and trumps anything else.

Please let us hear from you. Feel free to call me if you like.

Dodie

omg...how bad is this? men. really? and why haven't we heard from her today? it is Monday and he did get out. has anyone spoken to her? it's 717pm est she should have posted something.

I'm so sorry that it's taken me this long to post that I am okay and he is out. I think I slept two hours all weekend.
The judge here was only interested in guilty or innocent pleas today so, Matt plead not guilty and was automatically given orders to stay 500 feet away from my son and I until his court date in February.
I was like SERIOUSLY????? Time is too precious to waste months AND no freaking way am I missing a doc appointment with him. I tried talking to the court clerk, she put me on hold for two seconds only to come back on the line saying that the judge didn't care that he had cancer, it stood as is.
I went to see a lawyer today who feels confident he can get the order lifted and my husband home so that I can get him help.
Penners - Its interesting that you mentioned the brain... its been a few weeks back that Matt told me his thinking had changed inside and he was shocked/afraid of some things going through his mind. He was afraid too that it may have met. to his brain already. The oncology team here seems to have him pigeonholed into "standard" occurances and have not really examined his brain. The last scan, believe it or not was merely a chest CT.
SO - Wednesday lawyer will talk to judge, in the mean time I will be setting up counselor for the family as a whole and individually. Further treatment for this wretched disease will commence likely at another facility that can better care for my husband as a whole and not just do s.o.p. and call it a day.
Much love and appreciation to all of you who are sometimes the only support I have to turn to in this crazy time.
Christine

Im so sorry that this has turned into such a big mess. The judge doesnt sound like they are very caring. Not everything is black and white. Im glad that everyone is alright. Its still a very sad problem for everyone involved. My prayers go out to you and your family.