You are not selfish Donna - and you know that. No one could have been a better care giver, but having said that everyone has their breaking point, and for you - this is it. I really think you need to sit down with your Mom and explain how you feel. She is a big girl now - responsible for her own actions, and while you remain ready to help - you cannot and will not condone or accept the current situation. Explain it to her just the way you did her. Your anger comes from your fear of loosing her. I am sure she will understand that.

There are many options for people who want to quit smoking - from Wellbutrin to patches to inhalers to cold turkey. Tell her to pick one and you will be there to hold her hand - so long as she is smoke free.

Good luck.

Donna (the "Other" Donna)

(Loved the use of "frack" - made me laugh out loud!)

[quote=Pandora99] Your anger comes from your fear of loosing her. I am sure she will understand that. [/quote]

I don't know Pandora...the fear of losing possibly...but I would just be pissed off that I spent two years and countless sleepless nights and very hard days trying to get someone well only to have that thrown in the garbage. There was plenty else that DonnaRose could have been doing instead of nursing her Mom if she thought that it was for no use. I would simply be pissed off at that.

Deb

As the original OLD FRACK, let me add a totally hippie perspective to this. If your MOM is totally ADDICTED to NICOTINE and is not willing to shake it, please consider trying to MTIGATE the damage by getting her to buy a VOLCANO VAPORIZER.
If you have been following some of the posts by EricS & myself, you will know that the Volcano Vaporizer which was originally intended for Medical Marijuana users, also works quite efficiently on Tobacco. It's hard core German Engineering that vaporizes the active ingredients in either Tobacco or Marijuana into a non combusted vapor. The University of San Francisco and others have documented that this vapor (not smoke) system avoids the Cancer causing carcinogens of smoking. NO DOUBT THAT QUITTING SMOKING is the very best and optimal solution here. Still, as human beings, we are often weak in the face of addictions. If your Mom is hell bent on getting that Nicotine HIGH, buy her a Vaporizer. I fervently hope she will listen to reason and just quit, but it is a wicked world we live in. Realize this is an AWFUL alternative, but better than sucking down those cigarette carcinogens.

Thanks. I don't think it was anything major-though to me, even a drag is major. She said she has only done it once and a while...which makes me think it could be more often, but I don't know. I don't know if its a drag or a whole cigarette. She told me again today she will never smoke again. I don't like to be pacified, nor do I feel comfortable making judgements. I'm scared. I probably sound na�ve. I feel idiotic because I just don't understand how someone who's tongue is falling off more from severe necrosis would do something like this-whether it be a drag or the whole darn cigarette. She said that she has been so stressed, hungry and in great pain. I couldn't respond, I bet I probably had a nasty look glaze over my eyes. I don't want to be like this but seems I can't find control. The other thing is now I am worried, what if she started something up? I am mad as hell. I will look into the vaporizer, that sounds terrific. Thank you.

Donna.
Your extra information leads me to believe that the nicotine patches would be far better. Yesterday was tough for me as it would have been my Mom's 88th birthday except that she died in 2001 and as usual I was wracked with "shouldve/couldves" on what we as her children did for her health (hence my over the top suggestion). She smoked cigarettes from the age of 14 and never got any type of cancer, not head and neck, and not even lung cancer. Smoking is so bad however that it did cause emphysema and she couldn't catch her breath enough so she ended up on oxygen the last year of her life. We started buying those stop smoking nicotine patches for Christmas and they helped her. As I said, quitting smoking is the very best thing and it sounds like quitting is doable for your Mom. The patches are available OTC
Charm

Donna,
Forget the vaporizor if she is only having an occasional cigarette. Once she gets the nicotine back in her system, she is likely to start smoking full time. I also woundn't recommend the patch for the same reason if this is really an occasional smoke.

The problem with the occasional cigarette is the pack gets stale very quickly so they burn much hotter and therefore are even more dangerous. Can you find out from your father when it started and how much she is really smoking? If this is really occasional, she can probably beat it without any aids.

Take care,
Eileen

Donna

Here is new study on quitting smoking from yesterday's Washington Post
[quote]SMOKING CESSATION

Quitting may work best with a combination treatment.

THE QUESTION Do medication-based aids to help people quit smoking -- a nicotine patch, nicotine lozenge, the drug bupropion -- differ in their effectiveness?

THIS STUDY involved 1,504 adults who smoked at least 10 cigarettes a day and wanted to quit. They were randomly assigned to use one of six treatments: a 24-hour nicotine patch, nicotine lozenges several times a day, sustained-release bupropion (an antidepressant marketed as the stop-smoking aid Zyban), the patch and lozenges together, bupropion and lozenges together, or a placebo. Treatments were taken for eight to 12 weeks, and participants also had six individual counseling sessions. While treatments were being used, people in three groups -- the patch, patch plus lozenge and bupropion plus lozenge -- had more success quitting than those in the placebo group. However, six months later, only people who had used the patch and the lozenges together had a better success rate than those who had taken the placebo. At that point, 40 percent of the patch-plus-lozenge group had quit, compared with 22 percent of the placebo group.
ad_icon

WHO MAY BE AFFECTED? Smokers who want to quit. An estimated 20 percent of U.S. adults smoke cigarettes regularly. Government health experts predict that half of those who do not quit smoking will die of a smoking-related problem.

CAVEATS The authors suggested that participants might have been more motivated to quit smoking than the average smoker, evidenced by the relatively high quit rate in the placebo group after six months. People using lozenges, which required the highest number of daily treatments, were most likely to skip treatments. Zyban carries a government-mandated warning of the possibility of behavioral or mood changes, including suicidal thoughts, in some people. All medications were provided by GlaxoSmithKline.

FIND THIS STUDY November issue of Archives of General Psychiatry.

LEARN MORE ABOUT quitting smoking at http://www.smokefree.gov and http://www.lungusa.org.

-- Linda Searing

The research described in Quick Study comes from credible, peer-reviewed journals. Nonetheless, conclusive evidence about a treatment's effectiveness is rarely found in a single study. Anyone considering changing or beginning treatment of any kind should consult with a physician.

[/quote]

I am sorry that you are going thought this with your Mum Donna.
So sad that you have lost a little more trust in her again.
I was reading another thread from you in November where she was caught out before and I appreciate how you must be feeling.
As a few here have pointed out it is a tough addiction and maybe she may need some professional help?
BTW I sympathise with her as well.
I was one of those addicts that stopped the night before surgery. Have not had so much as a puff since then as I am honestly scared that could be the start. I have a few other incentives why that is not going to happen. One is the look of my parents face in ICU the day after surgery and they have since told me I was practically unrecognisable (I did not see myself for around a week but I still feel guilty at the shock I must have given them an my sister). I also thought to myself if I was ever tempted I would just look at the crater in my wrist and that would pull me up.
Luckily it is getting close to 4 years now and I really rarely think about it.
Wish I could be more help Donna except to say I understand how you must be feeling.
Have you thought about counselling for her? There may even be some professional help available from the hospital team she would still be seeing?
Love
Gabriele

Thank you Gabriele...In hindsight, I wish I had taken some pictures when mom was in recovery. A pic would be worth more than a thousand words.