David, I understand your point and appreciate any information you can offer other than that it does not make sense. I am giving you all of the info that I am getting and please keep in mind that I am here because I have the same frustration that you do. It does not help me to be reprimanded for not being able to make my information make sense. I am just looking for an outlet and, unfortunately, right now this is the only one that I have.
I keep hoping that something that I post will make all of the pieces fit. Sorry that it annoys you.

Charm, Thank you SO much for this positive post. I have printed this out and have a feeling that it will somehow land in his truck seat. I strongly feel that he is being unfair, but my telling them would cause him to withdraw from me and I cannot loose what little time I have left with him. Selfish, yes. But I also have to weigh in on the fact that he thinks this will send his dad over the edge with his stroke recovery and blood pressure already in bad shape. If I were to tell them and Brian lost his dad because he had another stoke, where does that leave my decision? I think it definately has to be his decision to talk. Thanks for this wonderful article though. Teresa

Teresa,

Do you have a relationship with Brian's family? Have you considered what will happen after he's gone and they realize you knew what was happening and didn't give them the chance to help and support their son and brother?

I don't think I could support someone in that decision as you are doing. Brian is making an impossible situation even more difficult, and quite frankly, I think the way he's treating you is downright cruel.

Teresa, I was away and just read this entire post. First I am so, so sorry you are going through this and quite frankly I don't know how you are dealing with all this. If you read my signature you can read all my husband has been through. When my husband was diagnosed he had never been sick a day in his life, never smoked, ate right, took vitamins every day and still got slammed with this. As a caregiver the past 8 months have been some of the most difficult and yet some of the most loved-filled months of my life. My husband is also a very private person and didn't want people knowing he was sick and couldn't even say the word "cancer". He would refer to it as his "condition" or "situation". Our doctors basically told us that chemo alone does nothing for this type of cancer. Chemo would help enhance the radiation and that is what we went for - total cure. My husband told me from day one that he would give it his best shot and go for the treatment all his doctors agreed on. Thank God we are now on the other side but we don't relax totally thinking that it couldn't come back. My husband already told me that if the cancer comes back he won't seek further treatments. That scares me to death knowing how many people on the boards who have had treatment and had recurrances.

In the beginning my husband would get very angry when I would discuss his "situation" with people but I wear my heart on my sleeve and could have never survived this without support from my family, friends and co-workers. When John was deep in the middle of treatments and could no longer talk, he would leave me the most loving notes telling me I was his rock and he could never get through this without me. To me - that's love. John told me during treatments that he wanted to stop because it was just to difficult but couldn't bear the thought of me being left alone without him or leaving his 83 year old mom alone. I think it is totally selfish of your boyfriend to not let his family know what is going on and I think they will be very angry if he dies from this and they find out that you knew.

I don't think your boyfriend is in denial I think he obviously has a strong self-destructive streak and doesn't care enough about his loved ones to share this. I really wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. The reality is that this WILL kill him. With the treatment (if you want to call it that) he is currently doing I would be surprised if he survived months or weeks. I to believe in prayer and miracles. But if prayers alone worked, I wouldn't have watched my mom die from pancreatic cancer after a 3 1/2 year battle and she was caught early. I will continue to pray for you to give you the strength to do what is right for you. Wanda

I have to say i am 100% behind David on this one.Absolutely nothing that he has told you is recognisable as treatment or symptoms of Oral Cancer.It just doesn't make any sense at all.Thats not your fault and must be equally frustrating for you as it is for us,as it is almost impossible to give help and advice.I am at a loss,and really have no idea how to offer anything that will be of help to you.

Teresa,

Have you gone to any appointment with him yet? Is it a possibilty that he is not telling you the truth?

Hi Teresa,
I am sorry you are going through this. I dont know much about MTX aside from what I have read. It appears that some of the symptoms that Brian is experiencing may by caused by the drug, but should be reported to your physician. http://www.drugs.com/sfx/methotrexate-side-effects.html
I dont think he should be working if he is experiencing the things he is. Also, I do know that 2 other posters here, Tom Rousell and suemarie's husband Neil had MTX, both palliative treatment. I dont think it is tolerated well. And I'm sorry if I missed something in your posts, but if he is this miserable with MTX, then why is he afraid of radiation?? I was 34 at diagnosis and went through radiation and chemo and tolerated it quite well, and I'm here to talk about it 7 years later. If he doesnt have radiation, he wont be so lucky. I agree with Suzanne that he may not be telling you the whole truth. Good luck to you and I hope you can convince him to seek further treatment.

I do have a positive relationship with his family. However, his brother does know the situation and I feel like it is their place to go to his parents with this. Thanks for your input, though. It is greatly appreciated.

I'm sorry if I offend you but quite frankly this site is all about helping people that want to be helped and unfortunately you are the only one that wants our help and we can't help you other than some emotional support while you watch him die. It's frustrating to us as well when we know he probably could have been saved and we just don't understand how someone can act like him after this site has helped thousands that wanted to be helped.

Sorry and good luck.

If I found that someone I loved had such a serious illness and had not trusted me enough to share the information with me so that I could either worry, pray, or help, I would be terribly insulted. I loved Charm's article, as I have had this philosophy for a long time: that to not allow others to help us when we need it is to reject a gift that they are trying to give us. It's a selfish act. You are suffering more than should be expected of you because of his irrational reaction to his illness. You are being expected to shoulder all of his care when there are others who could be supporting YOU and helping him.

Hello all. Can anyone tell me if they have had pain in the upper cheek bone- below the eye when laughing? I was so happy that I could finally make Brian laugh again sometimes and now every time that he does he grabs the side of his face. When I ask what is wrong he says he has a "crick in his cheek". He had a wisdom tooth cut out (that is how his cancer was found) on the upper right side. It was in the sinus cavity and that is where he seems to be hurting. Any suggestions what this is a sign or symptom of? We go from 75 mg MTX daily to a single 100 MG dose of Methotrexate once a week starting next week. That is the only update that I have on his "treatment" or lack of it. Teresa