I'm guilty of being the type who tries to say something positive.

The hardest lesson for me to learn is:
Be there, shut up and just listen.

ginny

thank god for people like you Ginny, otherwise who would there be to listen to loudmouths like me
charm

When you waited 7 excruciating days to get the results of your first post Tx scan and there's a SPOT and your trusted doctor calmly says "It's probably nothing, let's wait another 3 months and take another look." Yeah I'll sleep better now!!

"But you didn't loose your hair?" (and I wonder if I'm the only one that wishes sometimes that I had lost all my hair.)

And my dear friends it is not that I do not WANT to eat it is because I CAN NOT eat. It doesn't matter how good of an idea you think it is, anything thicker than water is going to get stuck in the back of my throat and not move. SO QUIT ASKING WHAT I'M EATING!!! And if I've tried (whatever) Believe me, I have.

Amy

My husband's "passion" is cooking. He is always watching the cooking channel even through all his treatments and loves trying new recipes. Yes I do know how to cook but I don't really like to and since he does, he has ALWAYS cooked our meals. When John became unable to eat by mouth which lasted for about 4 months I did manage somehow to cook and keep myself alive. John has lost 30 lbs even with the PEG which was removed in July. He is now eating again but it is a struggle. He has no appetite and food that he used to love doesn't taste the same and worse yet is the texture of foods.

More than one person has said to me "you just need to learn how to cook John some good meals and fatten him up". So evidently John's lack of taste, appetite and desire to eat and gain weight is due to my inability to cook. I don't know how I kept my 2 kids alive for 7 years while I was a single parent.

Amy, to eat food they can have my hair too. Just one burger, one steak, tosat and bacon with eggs, geez, there are are many things that I haven't tasted for many moons.

I do have to add this, I am alive if the opportunity presents itself.

Here are some things people have said to me that really made me want to cut their tongues off.
"Are you sure the students will understand you", I said "Do you understand me?"
By the same person, "I know I upset you about my comment the other day, but you have to admit you do sound funny."

Another one was, "You sound worse today then you did yesterday." That really made feel like I was getting better.

I had several people as ask me, "Could I see it?" My response, "You won't see anything, it was all cut out."

4 months out and I am getting sick of people asking me how I am doing. I just want to move on and quit being reminded of what I went through from other people. You know?

Angelia,

Not to break this funny thread but I am 3 years out and they still ask me "So how are you doing?". I just say "great, couldn't be better, how about you?"

OK, I will be a little two faced here.

First, I will also admit to asking "How are you doing" but I think it comes from not knowing what to say or how to offer to listen if there is something the person wants to get off their chest. For those better with words, is there a better way to convey concern, compassion, etc.? I also know that I had no idea what cancer meant just over a year ago. Although, I knew some people that had the dang thing, did not know what life was like day in and out and outside of spending a couple of weeks with them, don't think I could have known what they were going through.

I know I hate that, "how is Pam doing?" or "doing today". I would like to answer with go read her CaringBridge website and get back to me but constantly end up with trying to decide what to share with the person. Is there any good answer for people with good intentions without going into a 10 minute conversation or the "doing well"?