Liz I am so sorry about you loosing your husband and cannot immagine how you cope. I too over the years wanted to quit several times and did for a while but for the most part I was told one thing at a time as I have severe mental illnesses anxiety disorder and paranoia to mention a few but that was enough for doctors and therapists to tell me deal with one issue at a time...my worst fear has always been gaining weight after weighing in at over 400lbs at one point in my life well smoking seemed the lesser of the evils..now I am still fighting with the gaining weight and have fought the mental illnesses to the point they are mostly under control...OC has brought smoking the front burner and I am dealing with it...I could never judge as we all have our weaknesses and our crosses to bear. Besides if you are anything like me you are beating yourself up enough over this. Please stop and give yourself enough credit for being human and when you are ready you just gotta try again...I just keep plugging away and one day at a time...you take care of yourself Liz you are dealing with a whole lot and you need to take care of you!!! I wish my arms were long enough to give you a great big hug. Life isn't easy or fair and you hold your head high and believe in yourself!