Well unlike most i was a non smoker when rob was diagnosed,and remained so until his terminal diagnosis.I pulled the pebble out of the dam and i drowned.My addiction is worse than it was 10 years ago when i gave up and the worst thing is i seem to get a kick out of playing russian roulette.I cant afford it,my home cant afford the redecoration costs this filthy habit causes,my asthma cant afford it,but i can tell you jerry the pictures wont work for me because they are nothing like as horrific as my husbands face during the last weeks of his life,and in this day and age of violent horror films and video games they are benign to say the least.The throat cancer picture is from the historical archives of a medical book from the 19th century and is totally unrealistic.

Its a sad fact of life that some of us need a crutch to get through day to day,and to all of you who are about to type out your indignation at my stupidity,you would be preaching to the converted.My doctor has said one thing at a time until i deal with the other issues robs death has left me with ,but the bottom line is that in this one thing i am failing badly,and no one knows that more than me.