Pharmgirl - I'm new to the site but not to what you are going through. My husband and I were caregivers to my mother who succumbed to pancreatic cancer ten years ago. I remember when she passed how lonely I felt, the house was so empty after having had so many visitors during her illness. Some people accused me of being cold hearted because of how I acted after her passing, I guess they expected me to be more broken up. But they did not walk in my moccosins (as you have now.) They could not understand the sense of relief (now that the suffering was over.) I always tell people that caring for my Mom and helping her through that journey was the closest I have ever been to Heaven. WHAT A VIEW! Joy, good luck and please know we are thinking of you. CMB