Darcy,

My neighbor had a 6 cm tumor in his cheek with mets to the neck. Stage 4, just like my husband and your dad. He, too, is doing fantastic. They thought radiation/chemo would shrink the tumor so they could operate, instead it eliminated it and he did not need surgery. He has passed his one year anniversary and is cancer free!

Can you get a second opinion at another institution? Or, at the very least, an explanation regarding why they are talking palliative treatment. It just doesn't make sense to me. Unless, like Brian said there are mets to the lung or brain. If there aren't, I'd really question what they are telling you.

How old is your dad? Other than the oral cancer, does he have any other health conditions? So many people here have had great success with radiation and chemo. Especially when the lymph activity is contained to one side of the neck.