False hope does not make your life better. Unrealistic expectations do not either. That doesn't mean I am about to go quietly into the night. I will fight the end with all the tools available including very early clinical trial drugs, RFA of big lesions to buy time, and surgical ablation to reduce tumor mass as long as there is something else out there in the drug pipeline that is showing promise. Inevitably, I will reach a point where the quality of life vs. the continued fight no longer balance out. When that time comes, and I will have consulted with many doctors to determine that the resources and options have run out. I will then work toward acceptance of the end that we all, whether though cancer or some other mechanism, will come to.

Then I will work on closure with those close to me as a productive manner to spend my time, and finally coming to emotional terms and peace in the acceptance of my end. I will not be draining my wife's bank account, on some flight to some third world medical facility, chasing what is false hope.

We do a poor job in the US of embracing the true nature of existence, and that is that it is finite. We used to bring our very old family members into our homes where they weakened and died in the presence of their loved ones and families including the children. Now we shuffle them off to nursing homes (a multi-billion dollar industry) in droves. If, when you are a child, you are exposed to death as a normal part of your own existence, you realize that for all the perceived invulnerability that comes with youth, the reality of how we all end is not to be denied. From this realization, I believe comes a concept of living each day to the fullest, making and achieving goals, maximizing the interpersonal relationships that we are lucky enough to enjoy, giving some of ourselves to the service of others, and in general not spending our lives drifting as froth on the wake of life. Hope is good to a point when it is balanced by a realistic understanding of the situation; false hope wastes precious moments in time and other opportunities to emotionally complete our circle.

Brian, stage 4 oral cancer survivor. OCF Founder and Director. The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant.