Delia,

I can't imagine that you are having to do this all yourself...Charlie is blessed to have you. Sorry, but, SHAME on his mother.
I have two small children so I have alot of help from his and my family. And even then I've felt like I would fall apart. I had some bad days, basically if he did, but they are getting better each day. Stephens cancer is HPV positive, he's not a smoker.
Charlie should get help quitting when he's back on his feet... You don't want this beast to rear it's ugly head again and the odds are 50% higher if he continues to smoke. I used to smoke so I know its hard but what I've seen my husband go thru is a hell of alot HARDER. I'm sure you agree...this is something he has to do for himself.
Your husband is probably so sleepy from the ativan. Thats alot of ativan...1 mg puts my husband to sleep. Did the docs say to give him that much every 3 - 6 hours. He wouldn't be able to do anything but sleep taking all that ativan. Stephens doctor told us 1 Mg as needed but to try to limit it for bedtime. He used to take the 1 mgevery 6 hrs. during treatment for anxiety and it was enough to take the edge off. They said to try to cut back so he wouldn't be so sleepy all the time. Maybe ask your MO because you want him to start getting up a little more and you definately need the company. It is so lonely. I have my little ones but I still feel so alone at times.
I'm going to check with the the doc about upping his patch, I think your right that its maybe not enough.
Thanks - All my best Delia!
Kerry