Delia,
I'm sorry ya'll are having to go this alone. I think we may have gotten in the way TOO much with my brother. We were always there and always trying to do things for him that he wanted to do himself. I remember one time when he was in the hospital I grabbed a bottle of lotion and began to rub his feet (He always loved a footrub). You should have seen the look on his face! I knew immediately something was wrong. "He hates lotion," his wife said. I couldn't wipe it off fast enough. That taught me to ask before assuming what he wanted or needed. Do you think his Charlie's mother would help if you asked? Sometimes people don't know what to do.
David's hands shook following treatment as well, but it finally went away for a while. David also stayed in the house alot at first. I thought he might be depressed, but he just felt so terrible he couldn't do anything but sit in his chair. I would wait until you get the checkup on June 2 to start pushing him, then do so gently. I tried to push my brother, not realizing his cancer was getting worse. I feel terrible now. He didn't mind - he would try to go the mouth stretches and excercises, but he wouldn't practice trying to talk as much as I thought he should - I'm one of THOSE people who always think they know what is best. Anyway, what I didn't know was that his cancer had spread again, and he was physically unable to make sounds. So, the moral of my story is to be gentle with the pushing but encouraging. It's a fine line.
About the wedding - I've seen oral cancer take so much for so many, and it would be sad if it took away your wedding. If he doesn't feel like a big event, how about exchanging vows in the backyard or at a park? You wouldn't be out the big deposit and could easily rearrange it if he didn't feel well. I say, go for it, cancer or no cancer!I wish ya'll the best and will be thinking of you on June 2nd.
Tonya