Small Minnow,

Faced with adversity, one can choose to laugh or to cry. At first, I laughed to build up a wall to disguise my true emotions (fear). After a while, I used humor as a way to let people know it was OK to ask questions (about feeding tubes, surgery, scars, dramatic weight loss, whatever). Now, I choose to laugh as often as I can because it is better than the alternative.

As for your friend's reluctance to accept help, maybe he isn't ready to accept the fact that he needs it. I agree with others who've said that the best thing to do is let him know that you are willing.

I remember being surprised and humbled at the number of people who offered to drive me to radiation treatments or outpatient surgeries while my wife was at work. At first I said no. Then I allowed myself to say yes.

I will never forget their kindness. Hang in there...

Ken