I am a registered nurse,and when my husband was diagnosed with SCC three months ago ,i never for one moment thought that i wouldnt be able to cope with the perilous journey that he had to take.
How wrong can you be.Robin is possibly the worst patient i have ever encountered in thirty years and believe me i have met a few.From the day he was told he had cancer its been like riding the biggest roller coaster in the world.
First he got drunk -not surprising
Then he was not going to let them cut him up -also not surprising.
Then he was going to kill himself - a reaction i was expecting knowing his past experience with his father and cancer
I weathered those first few days and talked him through all the reasons he should not take any of the the above courses of action.
Next came the hospital admissions - To say Robin has a phobia about hospitals is the understatement of the year

The tongue biopsy and laser excision went well he was only in hospital for 8 hours,and recovered very well.
The bilateral radical neck dissection and removal of 5*6cm tumour saddlebacking the jawbone on the opposite side ,was a different ball game.By the time he went into hospital the tumour was huge and the pain excriating,and all he wanted was to be able to eat and sleep and have no pain.From the minute he set foot in the hospital he behaved like a petulant child and after 7 1/2 hour surgery and 50 staples in his neck he took his own iv line out and walked out of the hospital 36 hours after surgery.More by luck than judgement he recovered well,but his behaviour now is bordering on the bizarre.
His favourite phrases are
"I'm not taking that"
"What would you know"
"Its not happening to you its happening to me"
He is unpleasant ,aggressive , impatient self centered,and seems to have a very low tolerance for any sort of pain.
He has the worst case of neuralgia on the side of his face that the secondary was on and in his teeth,and every thing i try to do to make him more comfortable and pain free is met with derision and scorn.We are sleeping in seperate bedrooms because he has to have all the windows shut and the central heating on all night to try and counter the pain in his face and he throws his knife and fork on the floor everynight i make him a meal because his jaw is so stiff he cant eat.

How the hell am i going to get him through 30 radiotherapy treatments?
More to the point how am i going to get throught it?
How selfish does that sound?I have two new Grandaughters,a son,a daughter and a mother who live 300 miles away and i havent seen any of them since november last year except mum who came to stay while robin was in hospital and for a week after he came home.MY whole being revolves around this ungratefull unloving semingly uncaring mass of anger that used to be my husband.
What will the radiotherapy do to him?
I know all the practical problems, but will he implode mentally?If he doesn't will i?