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#51544 05-28-2006 05:30 AM | Joined: Feb 2005 Posts: 663 "Above & Beyond" Member (300+ posts) | "Above & Beyond" Member (300+ posts) Joined: Feb 2005 Posts: 663 | Herson, this is a biggy. I remember when we found out we worried about telling anyone. Partly because we are self employed and we just thought that if our customers found out then they would stop calling. At a time when every dime was important, losing business was a scary thing.
The only thing I can offer is this.... The time will come when you can't avoid telling certain people. And, well, people talk anyway so I wouldn't push it with mom. Let her start her treatments and as time goes by a couple of things will likely happen.
1. She might change her mind at tell people that she wants to know 2. something will come up that there is nothing else you can do but tell a certain person 3. she will feel so miserable that she won't care who knows anymore
Any and/or all of the above things can and probably will likely happen. But for now, it is best to let her make that decision.
Having cancer seems to take all of the control out of one's life. By choosing who and when to tell, your mom is holding on to one thing she can control. At least for now.
I think your parents are right that some of her friends will come around and it will likely make her sad. She is in a new and very scary place right now.
If you have a family that will be there when needed then don't worry. Even if they are not told now they will be there when you call. The support system is there when you need it and I am sure your mother can call on that when she is ready.
There are a million things going on with your mom right now and most of them are scary. The best thing to do is to respect her wishes (so long as they don't endanger her health) and be there to support her. It seems from what you have said that she told the one person she wanted and needed to tell the most, and that was you. Now you stand by her and support her in every way you can. The road is going to be long and difficult and she will need all of you before its over but there is light on the other side so hang onto that and you guys will make it through this.
Good luck and if you need more just drop a line. My husband had the same cancer as your mom and June 14th he will be a year cancer free. Tell your mom that there are survivors everywhere and to fight hard and hang in there.
All my best, Cindy
Caregiver to ex-husband Harry. Dx 12/10/04 SCC stg 3, BOT with 2 nodes left side. No surg/chemo x4 /rad.x37(rad comp. 03/29/05)Cisplatin/5FU(comp. 05/07/05)-T1N2M0-(cancer free 06/14/05)-(12/10/06) 2 yr. Survivor!!!
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