Wow....so sorry about your Mom having to be affected by this nasty disease! It is so hard to see a parent (especially a Mom) suffer like this. My Mom has BOT SCC. She has had a terrible battle with the treatment. It is a barbaric cure and so difficult to see what she has endured.
Is your Mom being seen for depression? From what I understand clinical depression is common for hnc patients. Possibly her unwillingness to fight is related to depression. Perhpas if she has not already seen one, she can be examined by a psychologist.
You must be under an extreme amount of stress especially after the loss of your friend. I also have 2 young kids but my Mom lives out of state so I can not help out as much as I would like. The one thing you need to do is take care of yourself so that you can be strong and healthy for your family (especially the kids!!) Sometimes I have to actually schedule a mental break from stressing about my Mom. I find that I spend most of my waking hours thinking, stressing, researching about this nasty disease that has put a black cloud over our lives. I become short fused and snappy with the kids. Then when I feel like I am losing my mind I will allocate a 2 hour cancer break. During this time I will not allow myself to think about "the cancer". I won't go on the computer, or talk about it. Just to give my mind a break and think about positive things. This always seems to help me regroup.
I hope that your Mom finds the strength & will to fight. Just keep loving her!
Best wishes!
Tami