Kimberly,

I know this must be very frustrating for you when you want to help but your friend is resisting it. Please try to help her understand that ignoring the situation will not make it go away. Unfortunately, this disease moves on its own timetable, and if she refuses to face up to it, she isn't helping her husband. Is there a social worker at the medical center that might be able to give her some direction?

As far as trying to help with non-medical issues, I think it's a great idea. Over the past several months I've been involved with a group from our church that's providing assistance to an oral cancer patient with things like meal preparation, transportation to radiation, household errands, etc. If you and some other friends can do things like that for her, it should help to free up some time for your friend to focus on her husband's care and becoming informed enough to make any decisions that need to be made about his treatment.

Hospital stays can vary for this type of surgery. I was in for 5 days and then recuperating at home for about 3 weeks, but I know others who have been in longer. It depends on the rate of healing and whether there are other complications that need to be dealt with at the hospital.

Your friend is fortunate to have you looking out for her. I hope she realizes it.

Cathy