I feel so sorry for you--I felt that way when my mum died, but her loss didn't really 'kick-in' fully til Dad died as well.

I still miss them both desperately--Friday evening was our 'Family Night'

I also wonder if I should have made mom go to hospital sooner---she was just 5 weeks from diagnosis to death and it was such a shock--secondary cancer of the bone and no known primary.

It WILL lessen, you'll never forget your dad--they are so special for us girls smile but I'm sure he appreciated all your love and care for him and you must have inspired him to think he had a 'Fighting Chance'

Look after yourself, look into the possibility of comfort and counselling, and keep posting when you get down,

love Brenda

Brenda in UK--Diagnosis 30/5/07--undifferentiated carcinoma in right jawbone and muscles. Stage 4
6/7/07--new diagnosis primary is in lung. Finished 4cycles of palliative carboplatin/gemcitabine
therapy September 07
Now dying to live!