I'm going to see my dad for the first time since his surgery a few weeks ago. My son (6) and I saw him right before, and this time my son and my husband are coming. I have all of these fears that keep coming up and I can't stop it.

What if my dad doesn't want us there? What if he doesn't want my husband there? What if he thinks we are staring at his mouth? What if he can't relax? Am I talking to much about his cancer? Or not enough? What if I get angry at the doctors? Am I going to try to take over his treatment? What if my husband can't handle it. (he lost his father a few years ago)

I can feel this pain in my chest kind of like heartburn. Wait, maybe it is more like when you fall out of a tree and can't breathe.

I feel guilty about any kind of fun ( I just took a trip with my husband and our 5 children) that I've had since my dad got sick. I don't want to show him the pictures of the trip because I think he'll feel bad ( or pissed off) that he was sick and we went to the beach. This f'ing stinks really bad. I feel like a jerk. Sorry
He is so strong and I'm a big f'ing wuss. I'm so upset. Sorry