dear all,
thank you for the feedback, advice and sharing your experiences with me. i too thought about whether or not i should make my original post to begin with as i was afraid that it might bring up a lot of difficult issues for survivors and caregivers alike, but decided that this was the only place i could hope for open and honest feedback as well as a wealth of information. i am sure everybody who's here has had to deal with these issues and reflect on them at one point or another. therefore any feedback from people here is quite illuminating. i know it's not easy to recount one's own painful experiences in order to help another. thank you all for your generosity of spirit.
my family and i have had some discussions and we all agree that 1) my sister is the person to decide how she wants things to go and we will be supportive of anything she decides and try to our best ability to carry out anything she wishes; and 2) we don't want her to suffer if there is no reasonable hope of recovery. frankly, we've all questioned at different times the sanity of the various treatments which sometimes seem harsher than the disease, but we've done what we could to help her get through them so long as there was the hope that she'd get better. now our priorities are to make her comfortable and reduce her suffering as much as possible.
the difficult thing for us now is discussing things openly with her without killing her spirit before her body gives up. as well, pain management is a difficult issue since my sister has always had reservations about taking pain meds. finally, it will take a bit of work for us to get other family and friends to understand that if my sister doesn't wish to fight any more they should lay off her and give her peace rather than encourage her to fight for some non-existent chance. lately this kind of talk has been making my sister very uncomfortable which probably explains why she doesn't want to see many people.
the latest is that we heard from USC's tumor board. they have no treatment recommendations other than considering palliative measures. we have our meeting with my sister's oncologist today and i'm wishing him strength to discuss my sister's medical options with her openly and kindly.
the most difficult thing for me is that i must return to toronto tonight as i've already postponed my return twice and can't do it any more. i have no idea in what state i'll be boarding the plane.
be well.
gita
