Hello everyone! Thanks for all the responses & your support & help. All discussion is relevant whether you feel like your rambling or not. It's all important. Thanks for the tip on Fred Hutchinson, I'll check it out. I have to admit, I'm still scared but have regained my normal positive attitude & kick ass outlook thanks to you guys & my wonderful family & friends!!! For a couple days there ending it all sounded like a viable choice, sure glad I snapped out of that!