Enigmatic,
I know how you feel having faced the same unknowns ten years ago. You say you are a family Doc. So..I would suggest telling yourself the same things you would tell a patient. Until you have your second opinion and all the information on available and possible treatment options getting all stressed out is only going to harm you.
The mind can be a terrible place to hang out. I wouldn't worry about spreading HPV by touching your children. If a simple touch spread the virus we would all be infected with HPV. You also don't know if your dysplasia is HPV positive. One thing at a time.

Dysplasia of the basement membrane of the tongue is a pre-malignant condition if not treated. How long it takes to transform is different with every case.
I would suggest once the opinions are in that you may want to have wider margins excised to ensure healthy borders.
E-mail me if I can offer any assistance.
Please try and stay positive, your twins need you.
Mike