Hi Laura,

My name is Minnie and I had the same surgery your father is preparing for. While Liz is correct to say that it's a major surgery, I still think that your father can do great with it. I've seen plenty of older people, much older than your father, come through it with flying colors.
Keep in mind that what they are removing is not on the outside but on the inside, so it won't show. He'll have alot of swelling under his chin for awhile, but that will resolve. The neck disection may very well cause his issues with his arm and shoulder. I know that my arm is weaker than it was before but it doesn't get in the way of normal life, just something I need to be aware of. Here are some things for you to know about his surgery:

1. He will have a trach, which was the scariest part for me but some didn't mind it at all. They take the trach out after approx. 4 days and he will be able to talk again. The area heals quite quickly and will be a non-issue.

2. They'll keep him sedated for the first few days after surgery, to keep him from moving around alot. They like to keep the head positioned in a certain way. I was asleep for the first 3 days.

3. He will have alot of stitches and staples but PLEASE don't let it frighten you. My own mother has to look closely to see where mine used to be. But, it does look horrific at first!! The usually cut down through the bottom lip then through the chin, up under the neck, so that requires alot of stitching.

4. He'll have drainage tubes from his neck and in his leg. They look awful but didn't hurt me. The DO sting when being taken out but that won't happen for about 4-5 days.

5. They'll most likely put a PEG tube in for feeding and will have him hooked up to a feeding pump. Just watch him for diarrhea, I got a bad case of it.

6. His donor leg will be in a cast for the first week or so and will most probably be the cause of most of his pain. I had NO pain in my face and neck area, it was ALL in my leg. I was on a morphine pump for the first few days, but after that had to count on the nurses to control my pain. They did a poor job of it. Please listen if your dad tells you that his leg hurts and MAKE the nursing staff listen to you that he's in pain.

7. By day 8 I was up and walking with the help of a "boot" and a walker.........and another really handsome "walker" that was my husband ! It made me feel great to be mobile but very tiring. I was younger, 41, so your dad may take a few more days to get to this stage.

8. I went home on day 11 minus quite a few of the stitches and staples but still swollen. My leg did develop a minor infection in the incision line so keep a close eye on that at home.

9. Make sure your dad has adequate pain medication to go home with. Also, look into some home health nursing care. We had one for about two weeks and it was great.

10. I was scared to death to try eating again. I finally did and found out that I could eat every bit as good as I could before I had the surgery. I simply couldn't eat or chew on my left side. Within days I was eating exactly what I ate before my surgery. I didn't use the tube at all for nutrition until the radiation that I started 6 weeks later began to take a toll on me.

11. Your fathers leg will be sore and weak for awhile but not all that long. Four years later, mine is still a little weaker than my other leg, but I can run if I NEED to. I wouldn't want to have to run for long and try not to jump on my leg. But for normal, everyday life, I never notice anything wrong with it. The scar is hardly visible and I love telling little kids that it's a big shark bite!!

Concerning your daughter, bless her heart. Our youngest was 9 when I had this surgery and she did seem to be more emotional than before. My mother came and stayed with us for a few months and of course the entire homelife routine is tossed. I would suggest that you have your step mother give your little one some extra attention, try to transfer some positive feelings there so when they are staying at yoru house, she will gravitate to the step mom. Have her read to her at night, or do her fingernails with polish, etc. It worked wonders for my mom, who is a pro with fixing family situations, and she had my house rolling smooth again in no time. To this day, she is still asked to do nails and toenails when she comes to visit. Your father will have enough to deal with right now emotionally, he can't help your daughter. Your dad needs YOU right now. Sounds like step mom struggles with the emotions of it, so let her do the "fun" stuff with your daughter. I bet it helps them both.

Write me with any questions you may have. Also, Wayne, another great guy on here, had the surgery and he will be by to answer I'm sure. No two situations are the same and he had things happen that I didn't, and vice versa. Take care and stay with us, we're here to help.

Minnie