I am writing a eulogy to my friend Lynn, who passed away yesterday morning, August 26, 2007 at 0430 hours local time (PST). She knew not of this website, nor of any others as she was not knowledgeable about computers, although they were of her generation. She had celebrated only 42 birthdays on the planet.
Her story might not be the typical inspiration we recognize in this forum, but all stories are equal in my opinion, and are as deserving to be told as any other - regardless of how it might be interpreted.
Lynn's story of cancer is short and to the point, not that there is so little to tell nor that its content was unclear. Rather, there was only four abbreviated months between diagnosis and death - short by today's standards - and she was not known to the few who might have rallied to her support (this website.)
Her life was like most others - of her own creation. The bed she made for herself offered neither comfort nor sanctuary. Her dreams were nightmares when compared to what most people's might experience, where she counted demons instead of sheep.
I believe you get back what you hand out in life. Lynn might have posed as the poster girl for that truism. The abused became the abuser, first of others and then of herself. Her cries for help and attention were rarely if ever heard, and sadly, the concept of "belief" was unfamiliar to her which meant she could not enable the inherent power that we find in mutual trust, in the caring of others, in the goodwill of humanity, or in the development of self-confidence.
A single individual cannot possess one hundred percent of any one thing in life, and a count of what Lynn had would reveal that she possessed fewer of life's more desirable attributes than most people. Yet her needs and potential contributions were as evident in Lynn as they were in others. In her case, unfortunately, they were harder to identify and develop especially when she had to go it alone.
It came as no surprise that Lynn found herself ill-equipped for the upcoming battle. Alone in a morass of cancer, Lynn had no safety network that she could rely on to help cushion her fall.
It made me appreciate how fortunate I was having built a powerful mental attitude as an ally during times of duress. I suspect that most of us fail to acknowledge within ourselves the magnitude such an advantage gives us when compared to someone as defenceless as Lynn. I am convinced that confronting cancer without adequate attitude preparation becomes a flirtation with disaster and an invitation to hell.
Lynn's abuse of her body knew no boundary. She was a power drinker to the last shooter, a chain smoker who paused only to flick her Bic, and a crack cocaine user with life as she knew it measured in twenty dollar pipe-fulls.
She accelerated through life with her finger fixed on the fast-forward button, and may never have fully contemplated an idea or a concept throught to its end. She anticipated conversation with impatience, and mindful of not wasting time, would assist a speaker to the end of the sentence. There was never enough time to listen to something once, but she could always find more to have it repeated again. Hurry up just to slow down. Whenever Lynn came to visit I was unable to create an environment where she could rid herself of anxiety and experience freedom of thought.
I would have needed a much larger sword to swashbuckle my way through all the pirates that stood in the way. Basic contact between Lynn and I was not destined to be. As a result, the planned "Check-up from the Neck-up" fell by the wayside, as did the "Mental Boot Camp". With no strategy in place, what possible chance did she have against the rampant spread of mutating cells that were conspiring to divide and conquer her every resistance ?
Long before assuming her battle stance, Lynn should have been instructed in the proper use of whatever weapons she could muster in order to build self-confidence and arouse her passion to fight.
Lynn was not the first person to be burdened with disadvantage and she will not be the last. Those who are critical of people in Lynn's position may say that one's fortunes in life are a matter of making the right choices. However, there is much more to living a meaningful life than simply making the right choices, as destiny, karma and divine intervention often play a more significant role. While personal choices may affect the quality of one's life to some degree, the influences that determine our existence on a more global scale are well beyond the reach of mere mortals.
It could be argued that we are in our best state of preparedness at the moment of birth when instinct governs our actions and we have not yet succumbed to the effects of parental imprinting, negative conditioning, or hysteria.
The first decision a fetus makes is to be born, and from that moment on life is a battle for survival. The rules of engagement for cancer are silent with respect to equity or justice, and where time keeps no universal schedule. Lynn's doctor forecasted a year of increasing pain and decreasing mobility, and she was sent home without any hope for tomorrow. Despite a verbal show of courage, Lynn's strength could not restrain the advancing pace of the disease that overwhelmed her defences within a fraction of the allotted time.
It is hoped that this eulogy will serve as humble notice that cancer knows no favorite, and when compared to my friend Lynn, the reader may not be as unfortunate or bereft of alternatives as was she.
Should you be listening Lynn, I wish you Godspeed and safe passage for the remainder of your journey, and that you shall always sail with fair winds and a following sea.
Your friend on Earth;
John,
JT2
