Hi Jennifer,
I am sorry you're Mom is being mean sometimes. I experienced the same thing with my husband Mike. I cried quite a few times. It really hurts when you are trying so hard to take care of them.
One day I cried to my Mom about how hurt I was when this happened and why would he do this to me? She explained to me that it was because "he knows you will come back." " He has to be nice to friends and neighbors and nearly everyone else in the world. If he was mean to others they might not come back." She went on to say that when someone is so sick and feels they have so little control over what will happen to them that they will lash out at the ones they love the most. Because they know you will be back. They are mad at the situation and frustrated with no way to express their anger. You get to be the target that allows them to vent their anger.
What she said helped me a lot.
Usually, when the tears would start to well up, I would leave the room, go outside or in the bathroom, somewhere where he would not see me cry. At one point though I felt that it was nesessary for him to see what his words where doing to me. I didn't run, I let him see me sob. He was truly surprised to learn how affected I was, and was not fully aware of his actions. He cried then too and was sorry and he loved me.... after talking a while we realized that WE BOTH needed the opportunity to express our emotions over this ordeal. We needed to acknowledge our grief, anger, sadness, lonliness, despair, and everything else. In whatever form we could to let it out.
After that turning point, and armed with my Mom's words of wisdom, whenever I got hit with meanness again it got easier to deal with and started to bounce right off of me.
Hang in there with your Mom, Jennifer, you and her will find your way together.