Hello SSB133,

I am so sorry to hear you are going through all this. I am so glad you reached out here. This forum is a wonderful group of people who care and want to help. Cancer is scary and overwhelming at times. The aftermath surprised me. I went through surgery and radiation treatment for stage 4 SCC on my tongue over 2 years ago. It took many months for me to get all my activities back. My speech is not the same but I can speak and people can understand me. Eating is hard. I hadn't realized how much of our social world is revolves around eating and talking at the same time. This is probably my biggest continuous social challenge. No fun spitting food on your friend! I usually cover my mouth with a napkin if i really want to say something but i feel i still have some food that might come out.

Everyone's path and recovery is different. Good on you for trying a support group but also being honest with how it made you feel. I will suggest a few things that helped me and maybe one or two will help. For the first months, I devised a plan that included multiple phases - eating, exercise, sleep, time with loved ones, spiritual time, reading, mindfulness, medications, journaling, etc. I created a plan that laid it out daily. Sometimes I was too busy and only got to half of them, sometimes i got them all. I would score them and give myself a treat for high scores. Yoga - check, take meds - check, call a friend - check, walk a mile - check...

I have found strength in so many places and some i never counted on or saw coming. Maybe try a private therapist so you don't look around at others but can focus on yourself. Journaling was probably my most consistently useful tool. I did mostly writing but some video. It is precious to look back and read and watch where i was at. I had to be patient. I had to learn to judge my recovery - physical and emotional - in months not days. My family still has some aftermath. This experience plus a few other tough family situations really challenged us these last two years. We have all sought therapy and it has helped. But, also my faith has grown in a way i never saw coming.

My favorite short read - google "having cancer is like finding a lion in the fridge". Makes me laugh and cry nearly every time i read it.

Stay safe. Keep the faith. Let us know how you are doing.

Nels