I am so sorry for your loss Amy but know that you are not alone. My mother who was 71 at the time was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in March of. 2003. She died in August of 2003. My sister and I both reacted differently to her death we both loved our mother very very much and this was a sudden death to us. My sister was retired at the time and was the one to take her to most appointments and saw the steady decline. As a nurse I have seen this many times (dying from Cancer) but when it's your Mom (or Dad) it hits home hard. My sister would tell me she could only remember my Mother looking sick (no hair, pain). Her death did affect me too, but my sister was diagnosed with PTSD and still suffers from it. Counseling and anti-anxiety medication helped us both. Counseling/medication may help you too. Best of luck, it will get better.