Amy,

I’m sorry you lost your Dad. My husband had base of tongue SCC and it started off as mouth ulcers which went away after he was given antibiotics. Fast forward six months, the ulcers came back and the ENT advised him to use bottled water for brushing his teeth while we were travelling in China. Another six months later, the ulcers came back and the ENT said the only time he had seen this happen during the time he had been practicing, it turned out to be cancer. We then went to an ENT with expertise in oral cancer and the cancer diagnosis was made. By then, it was Stage 4.

I think that’s why oral cancer is an insidious illness. Not all ENT’s have experience with it. Often when patients get their diagnosis, they are at the late stages. OCF strongly supports regular screening for oral cancer by dentists and hygienists. It resonates with me because of our experience.

When John was finally admitted to the Palliative Ward, he was given the “end of life” medication. The nurse told me the medication did not hasten death but would make the patient feel better and more comfortable as death approached. Maybe your dad had the same and there was not a lot of pain for him. Before he passed away, my husband and I decided he could not go down the route of “should have, would have”. At that point, that would not have been helpful. We put all our energy on coping with what was ahead of us. It’s tough to lose a family member and you are probably still in shock. Right after John died, I actually felt I had PTSD. It took me two years and some counselling to get over it. Can you find out if you could get bereavement counselling?

Wishing you all the very best.