Always look forward. Anything that has happened already is nothing that can be changed. By second guessing what the dentist did will only bring on more unneeded stress and anxiety. No matter what... the past is the past and for your own well-being the past needs to be put behind you and left there. When you find yourself starting to do the "what if" thinking, allow yourself say 3 minutes to contemplate those thoughts and then "change the channel". It takes practice but once you have mastered the time limit on those negative thoughts and "changing channels", I guarantee you will become better able to handle everything. To "change the channel", you need to physically get up from wherever you are and stop doing whatever you had been doing when the "what if's" hit you. Start thinking of something positive that will be a productive way to avoid the "what if's". You probably are thinking I must be crazy... nope!!! I was in a position just like you where I felt everything was out of control with so much happening so quickly. For my own sanity I had to figure out a way to reduce the amount of time I was dwelling on things I couldnt do anything about. Since Ive always been a person who looks for the good in all situations, even in very serious and troubling ones it wasnt difficult finding things to do so I could avoid the "what if's". I used to clean out all the closets in my house to escape the "what if" thinking. That was a chore I hated doing and usually put it off. Once I ran out of closets I moved on to the garage and basement then the outside shed. It wasnt easy but eventually I was able to avoid the what if thinking. You will need lots of practice but I know once you get it, you will feel so much better and more positive. Limiting the "what if" thinking will help to make it easier to keep smiling even thru the hard days.

Im sure both you and your husband must be feeling overwhelmed. Its completely normal for anyone who is forced to face their own mortality or that of their spouse. I really feel that sometimes being the patient is the easy part in all of this. Gloria is correct saying caregivers sometimes have it harder than the patient. In many ways they do! You have to muddle thru trying to get your husband in to see the right doctor, you deal with all the billing and insurance paperwork, make phone call after phone call making appointments, search for the best specialists you can find, oversee everything your husband takes in, encourage and motivate your husband, etc. All of these new things have been suddenly put on your shoulders regardless of everything you had already been doing for your regular lives. No matter what your fears and concerns may be, you must maintain a calm, reassuring manner while also keeping a smile on your face. Even when you just want to crawl under the covers and hide, you must still smile and have a sunny, positive attitude. I know I could never manage the caregiver's job even though I am usually a calm, happy and positive thinking person. With so much going on, its very easy to do for everyone else except yourself. You definitely dont want to get burned out! Dont forget to take some time just for you. Even if its only 5 minutes a day, you need that time to help clear your head and focus again on the big picture. Treat yourself to a manicure, read a good book, start a hobby like genealogy, go see a movie or out to lunch with some friends are a few things that you can do during your "me time". Your husband needs you so make sure to always take your "me time". It really will help you maintain that sunny, smiling disposition

When you talk to friends and relatives about your husbands cancer, many people will offer to help. Most people genuinely do want to pitch in but they dont know what they can do. Write down their name and contact info and tell them when the times comes you will let them know what they can help you with. Theres a million little things that can make a difference for you and your husband. At this point you dont know if or what any further treatment would be. Once a treatment plan has been given, you may find many small things that others can do to help. This is another positive thing you can do to help prepare for the next step (whatever that may be).

Ive passed along my ways of dealing with the "what if" thinking and the "me time" for caregivers to many members. Ive heard a great deal of positive feedback from those who tried what I suggested. I know it will help you too if you can give it a chance. Try your best to focus your energy on things that are within your control. Dont get too far ahead of yourself. Take this one day at a time and one step at a time. If you practice changing the channel on the "what if" thinking I know it will help to avoid adding extra stress. You can always ask questions, rant, vent, and we'll listen and try to help. We completely understand exactly what you are feeling and going thru. Cancer isnt only affecting the patient, the spouse is right there in the fight too. Its perfectly ok to not always be strong, for those times its perfectly ok to lean on us. Hang in there!