You are in what I call the "eye of the storm." The initial shock of hearing the "C" word and then learning the plan of treatment and surgery! It's enough to level anyone no matter how strong you are as a person. Me I wanted to scream and say really bad curse words. (Okay so I did do this in my car while driving...) it's like someone grabbing your ankles while you're trying to swim to the surface. Your kicking and pulling with all your might so you can draw in a breath of air. You feel alone in a room full of people. These are all real feelings (not that you need me to validate them) but they are YOUR feelings. This is happening to your body. You aren't being punished but it feels that way. You have lived a very healthy lifestyle and it doesn't seem fair! I get it! Cancer isn't fair it picked us but what cancer doesn't know is how strong you are! And how in time you are going to look cancer square in the eyes and say "cancer you are not going to beat me I'm gonna kick your butt and soon you will be out of my body and if you come back I'm gonna kick your butt even harder!!!" You've have the fight in you so reach down deep and find it and we will be here with you every step of the way!