Nan - my husband has tonsil cancer and we experienced a lot of the same reactions as you and your husband. I did tons of research and cried a lot (until I realized that was not helping anyone)while John more or less withdrew and relied on me for info when he had a question.

John didn't have any surgery since it had already advanced into his neck and they felt they had a good shot of getting it with combined the chemo & radiation which he would have to get anyway at his stage. They told us stage III/IV at diagnosis but we also thought that after waiting 6 weeks for treatment to begin that it had grown.

We are at large cancer hospital in a large Canadian city so they have all the specialists in one place. My husband goes to the head of dental oncology there and that is who fitted him with the tooth guards for the daily fluoride gel treatment.

The ENT/surgeon who we saw first and who instantly made the accurate provisional diagnosis (before scans) said they would "treat to cure" if tests revealed that it hadn't spread to lungs or brain. A couple of weeks later the radiation oncologist said they had a 70% chance of eradicating it with the radition/chemo.

Who knows what all these numbers mean for John himself (or the numbers you have heard for your husband as an individual) ? Some people have extensive local cancers and lots of dire signs and they are still with us 5 years out. Heartbreakingly, some aren't. John was happy with the 70% chance of getting rid of it but worries - as does everyone touched by this disease- what it means for the future.

Right now, for me, the percentages of likelihoods are pretty meaningless. Two weeks ago our medical oncologist said he was in a "high risk group". We didn't ask for clarification. We remain vigilant for things we can get help with but, for us, anyway, it's part doing the heavy medical thing and part fingers crossed/knock on wood.

As Gary's post indicated, the doctors themselves often give you different numbers/impressions. If you talk to your husband about numbers you might want to share that perspective with him.

This will be a very, very tough time for you both. Please post whenever you have questions. I have found this site to be a tremendous help.

Mary